Sending you love, my friend. I struggled with disordered eating/an eating disorder for a long time, but never felt "sick" enough for it to be real. Admitting to myself that I was struggling with one, admitting it was real and that any amount of disordered eating made you "sick" enough to deserve help, was huge.
My Dad was CG for nearly 30 years and went to Antarctica three times (and north once) on the USCG ice breaker Polar Star. I love hearing stories about other Coasties, especially those who went south. Thank you for the Captain Joe recommendation.
I can completely empathize with you on this... I also never felt 'sick' enough to seek help for what I was dealing with - even though it was absolutely impacting a huge part of my life - including social functions, my relationship with others, etc... Going out to dinner now is an enjoyable experience for me ... whereas before, I'd be downloading menus and trying to estimate the macro counts for menu items days in advance and then starving myself all day just so I could go out to eat. UGH. And for what? I wasn't even able to enjoy myself when I was there. I am so sorry you had to go through that too - but glad that you were also able to find some help for it. I know that I can't be alone in this type of a struggle.
Captain Joe is an incredible guy - I hope you get to visit him on Vashon, too!
Loved the stories, but of course Churro coffee stopped me dead in my reading, and I now have Churro, Lavender and Classic Latte on the way! Ha! I'm going to order Nut Butters next, but I'll finish reading before I wander down that path!
I just ordered the Churro (again) + a box of mint lattes! We took them on a motorcycle ride with my Jetboil the other day and they were PERFECT. I can’t wait to hear what you think. And I might need to do a whole post dedicated to my favorite nut butters 😂 like the world’s most comprehensive nut butter review 😂
I went there when I was young. It became a very significant part of my psyche. First, I was SO UPSET and rather aghast at the lack of seals. I was really interested in all the adorable sea birds, but why name it after seals if there aren't even any seals there? Why not change the name to "Machias Sea Birds Island?"
Like Mare, I was a bit sea sick from the boat ride over. I recovered once I got over that terrifying rotten wood plank, but my mother (who had previously appeared fine) nearly collapsed from a panic attack trying to leave the boat and get onto the island across that rickety plank.
I remember the incredible sound of all the birds, a glorious cacophony. The Puffins, Murres, and Razorbills all had different voices, and the chicks too!
Did Captain Andy or Lighthouse Keeper Chris have an impressive scar across his forehead? I noticed our leader did.
Anyway, I had to pee.
Not being equipped with a Kula at that time, and also not comfortable just ducking behind something and squatting, I was escorted to a privy. Relieved, I set out to walk back down the short path to the group.
Then I heard a sound that is etched into the deepest part of me.
The call of a tern.
Then another, and another. Then the feeling of the wind from their wings buffeting my head, then the terrifying sight of their red red beaks and little black hats swooping right at my head, right into my face. I was slapped upside the head by their wings, and I ducked and screamed, I covered my head with my hands, I shrieked and wanted to run, but the terns were seemingly everywhere all at once.
I curled up as small as I could, like a little turtle with arms over my head and cried.
The leader came running up the path, and looked over at me in the cloud of angry sea birds. I had not been on the "path" but had somehow followed a sandy track just two meters off the correct path right into the nesting terns.
He slapped the birds away with his arms and the baton that I had assumed was a walking stick but was actually his bird defense bat and he dragged me out of there!
I wasn't bleeding, I was luckily uninjured - he told me that he had gotten his scar from a tern's sharp beak when he strayed too close to a nest. I was completely terrified and crying.
I have since visited many other wonderful colonies of nesting sea birds in Atlantic Canada and Newfoundland. I love the comical puffins, that seem to fly through sheer bloody-mindedness, dropping like stones and then flapping like mad until they get lift! The awkward fluffy seagull chicks, looking confused and stubby. I love the wild energy of a place inhabited by a profusion of birds!
Nevertheless, my whole body still tenses and I can feel the panic rising in my throat whenever I hear the cry of a tern. It takes me a minute to let the chill in my blood pass even 30+ years later!
Now, I am more careful to stay on the marked trail or to know what lies beyond before straying off the path, and I keep my hiking poles and my Kula handy.
This was a wonderful mix of stories. Each one was very relatable. In particular, it helped me reflect on the importance of how our thoughts influence so much of our misperceptions about our bodies.
Thanks mom! It is so true... our thoughts can be pretty pesky... and also pretty untrue and unkind to ourselves. Luckily, we can also change them. Love you - thanks so much for reading!
Question: Where do you purchase your nut butters? I admit I'm interested in trying them but I have never seen them (maybe because I've never looked...).
I love that you're telling people they can just invent things. Last fall I had the privilege of hearing a nurse researcher talk about all the different things that nurses have invented over the decades - things that all nurses use around the country - and how nurses just gave away their ideas without receiving any compensation for their inventions - things like crash carts, feeding tubes, and yes, even sanitary pads. I admit that I myself have all these ideas but I always just tell someone else to make them because I assume I cannot do it. Its excites me to read about your experiences!
I linked a few of the nut butters in the post, but I am LOVING Oat Haus Oat Butter (oat.haus) (not technically a nut butter - so great for any families that have allergies... I don't, but just absolutely ADORE the product)... Nerdy Nuts (nerdynuts.com) ... and I just purchased a few new ones the other day from a company in Portland called Ground Up PDX (grounduppdx.com) that I'm pretty excited to try. I also LOVE TrailButter (trailbutter.com) because they have single serve packets that are fantastic for taking on trail with me - I usually carry a bag of pretzel thins or caramel rice cakes + the packet of nut butter and it's such a great snack!
And YES!! you *can* truly invent anything. I'm actually in the process right now of working on things that years ago I would have considered WAY out of my league - I have NO CLUE how to do these things (two of them require actual technical knowledge with 3D modeling, which I don't know how to do... but I found somebody to help me!), but the fun part is figuring it out for me and watching all the pieces come together. I'm going to write a comprehensive guide for creating something specifically for people like me (who have no experience) ... it'll be very basic... but I've essentially followed the same process every single time and it always works. Your ideas are totally worthy of being brought to life - and if you have an idea, even if you don't know how to do it... you should totally go for it! Excited for YOU to be open to the possibilities of what you can create!
Sending you love, my friend. I struggled with disordered eating/an eating disorder for a long time, but never felt "sick" enough for it to be real. Admitting to myself that I was struggling with one, admitting it was real and that any amount of disordered eating made you "sick" enough to deserve help, was huge.
My Dad was CG for nearly 30 years and went to Antarctica three times (and north once) on the USCG ice breaker Polar Star. I love hearing stories about other Coasties, especially those who went south. Thank you for the Captain Joe recommendation.
I can completely empathize with you on this... I also never felt 'sick' enough to seek help for what I was dealing with - even though it was absolutely impacting a huge part of my life - including social functions, my relationship with others, etc... Going out to dinner now is an enjoyable experience for me ... whereas before, I'd be downloading menus and trying to estimate the macro counts for menu items days in advance and then starving myself all day just so I could go out to eat. UGH. And for what? I wasn't even able to enjoy myself when I was there. I am so sorry you had to go through that too - but glad that you were also able to find some help for it. I know that I can't be alone in this type of a struggle.
Captain Joe is an incredible guy - I hope you get to visit him on Vashon, too!
Loved the stories, but of course Churro coffee stopped me dead in my reading, and I now have Churro, Lavender and Classic Latte on the way! Ha! I'm going to order Nut Butters next, but I'll finish reading before I wander down that path!
I just ordered the Churro (again) + a box of mint lattes! We took them on a motorcycle ride with my Jetboil the other day and they were PERFECT. I can’t wait to hear what you think. And I might need to do a whole post dedicated to my favorite nut butters 😂 like the world’s most comprehensive nut butter review 😂
OMG Machias Seal Island!!!!
I went there when I was young. It became a very significant part of my psyche. First, I was SO UPSET and rather aghast at the lack of seals. I was really interested in all the adorable sea birds, but why name it after seals if there aren't even any seals there? Why not change the name to "Machias Sea Birds Island?"
Like Mare, I was a bit sea sick from the boat ride over. I recovered once I got over that terrifying rotten wood plank, but my mother (who had previously appeared fine) nearly collapsed from a panic attack trying to leave the boat and get onto the island across that rickety plank.
I remember the incredible sound of all the birds, a glorious cacophony. The Puffins, Murres, and Razorbills all had different voices, and the chicks too!
Did Captain Andy or Lighthouse Keeper Chris have an impressive scar across his forehead? I noticed our leader did.
Anyway, I had to pee.
Not being equipped with a Kula at that time, and also not comfortable just ducking behind something and squatting, I was escorted to a privy. Relieved, I set out to walk back down the short path to the group.
Then I heard a sound that is etched into the deepest part of me.
The call of a tern.
Then another, and another. Then the feeling of the wind from their wings buffeting my head, then the terrifying sight of their red red beaks and little black hats swooping right at my head, right into my face. I was slapped upside the head by their wings, and I ducked and screamed, I covered my head with my hands, I shrieked and wanted to run, but the terns were seemingly everywhere all at once.
I curled up as small as I could, like a little turtle with arms over my head and cried.
The leader came running up the path, and looked over at me in the cloud of angry sea birds. I had not been on the "path" but had somehow followed a sandy track just two meters off the correct path right into the nesting terns.
He slapped the birds away with his arms and the baton that I had assumed was a walking stick but was actually his bird defense bat and he dragged me out of there!
I wasn't bleeding, I was luckily uninjured - he told me that he had gotten his scar from a tern's sharp beak when he strayed too close to a nest. I was completely terrified and crying.
I have since visited many other wonderful colonies of nesting sea birds in Atlantic Canada and Newfoundland. I love the comical puffins, that seem to fly through sheer bloody-mindedness, dropping like stones and then flapping like mad until they get lift! The awkward fluffy seagull chicks, looking confused and stubby. I love the wild energy of a place inhabited by a profusion of birds!
Nevertheless, my whole body still tenses and I can feel the panic rising in my throat whenever I hear the cry of a tern. It takes me a minute to let the chill in my blood pass even 30+ years later!
Now, I am more careful to stay on the marked trail or to know what lies beyond before straying off the path, and I keep my hiking poles and my Kula handy.
This was a wonderful mix of stories. Each one was very relatable. In particular, it helped me reflect on the importance of how our thoughts influence so much of our misperceptions about our bodies.
Thanks mom! It is so true... our thoughts can be pretty pesky... and also pretty untrue and unkind to ourselves. Luckily, we can also change them. Love you - thanks so much for reading!
Thanks for sharing your macros story Anastasia. Definitely can relate with that struggle and really appreciate your vulnerability and authenticity.
Thank you friend!! I do not miss logging my food into MFP every day lol. Ugh!
Question: Where do you purchase your nut butters? I admit I'm interested in trying them but I have never seen them (maybe because I've never looked...).
I love that you're telling people they can just invent things. Last fall I had the privilege of hearing a nurse researcher talk about all the different things that nurses have invented over the decades - things that all nurses use around the country - and how nurses just gave away their ideas without receiving any compensation for their inventions - things like crash carts, feeding tubes, and yes, even sanitary pads. I admit that I myself have all these ideas but I always just tell someone else to make them because I assume I cannot do it. Its excites me to read about your experiences!
I linked a few of the nut butters in the post, but I am LOVING Oat Haus Oat Butter (oat.haus) (not technically a nut butter - so great for any families that have allergies... I don't, but just absolutely ADORE the product)... Nerdy Nuts (nerdynuts.com) ... and I just purchased a few new ones the other day from a company in Portland called Ground Up PDX (grounduppdx.com) that I'm pretty excited to try. I also LOVE TrailButter (trailbutter.com) because they have single serve packets that are fantastic for taking on trail with me - I usually carry a bag of pretzel thins or caramel rice cakes + the packet of nut butter and it's such a great snack!
And YES!! you *can* truly invent anything. I'm actually in the process right now of working on things that years ago I would have considered WAY out of my league - I have NO CLUE how to do these things (two of them require actual technical knowledge with 3D modeling, which I don't know how to do... but I found somebody to help me!), but the fun part is figuring it out for me and watching all the pieces come together. I'm going to write a comprehensive guide for creating something specifically for people like me (who have no experience) ... it'll be very basic... but I've essentially followed the same process every single time and it always works. Your ideas are totally worthy of being brought to life - and if you have an idea, even if you don't know how to do it... you should totally go for it! Excited for YOU to be open to the possibilities of what you can create!