For me it’s not social media that is the problem. It’s the internet, doom scrolling the news, and wanting to instantly look up information. It causes me to stay up too late with that blue light in my eyes. I’m currently doing a 4 week Happiness program (free from Berkeley) and the first skill it has me working on is digital detox. I chose to try not getting on the internet after dinner. The first two nights I succeeded and it caused me to get sleepy early, go to bed early and the next days I was in a better mood and had more energy. The past two nights I stayed on the internet, went to bed late and had a crap mood. Tonight there will be no internet after dinner!
Celeste, this sounds like an amazing plan - isn't it incredible what happens when we choose to consciously fill ourselves with good energy? I am looking forward to hearing more about your experience over the next few weeks - I hope it is invigorating and healing!
Thank you for your reply! I read your subsequent post on this subject too. Wanted to say that I use paper journals for my daily journaling but I don’t buy physical books anymore because of trying to declutter. I read A LOT, I don’t watch TV. I use a Kindle Paperwhite, it has no browser and while it has side lights, it doesn’t keep me awake like a phone or ipad will. The light can be turned off too and just use reflected natural light. The no browser is what is important to me. I purchased an out of state library membership to the Houston library, $40/year. Includes audiobooks, magazines and ebooks. Better selection than Kindle Unlimited.
Oh, I love the Kindle suggestion - I've struggled the same with physical books dilemma as well - I don't want to get a ton of clutter and I live in the middle of nowhere, so I don't have easy access to a library, except for a library app (which is, of course, on my cell phone). Right now I'm reading a loaned book on my cellphone and I have a few paperback books as well. I think I'm going to have to check out the kindle + Houston Library combo, that sounds fantastic!! Thank you so much for the info. Also, I have a morning journaling practice too ... before my morning walk, I usually write for a few pages of stream of consciousness. It's so helpful to clean out the mental clutter!
Here’s the Houston library link. I’m in Georgia and the library system here doesn’t have as much on offer as Houston does! So grateful I can subscribe. For years my friends and I were all subscribed to Brooklyn, but they stopped offering it to out of state. Hopefully that won’t happen with Houston.
Yesterday I logged out of fb and insta and deleted the apps off my phone. It's felt like social media is eating my brain lately, and even when I try to break away by leaving my phone in the other room, I'll still cancel the reminder that I've run out of time on those apps for the day and stand in the dark, staring at my phone. Decided I am logging out for the month. How fortuitous to see your post today! (Or is it the synchronicity that Julia Cameron talks about in The Artist's Way?!)
Katt, I am so thrilled to hear this - and I can't wait to see your post. Congrats on your Social Media fast - once you break the physical addiction, I've found that it becomes easy to use the app in a balanced and healthy way. IT IS LIFE CHANGING and I can't wait to hear what you think. You'll see my post on Sunday about 'what happened' to me when I broke up with IG, but I will say... it was very physically disorienting at first, but GETS SO MUCH BETTER. BTW - speaking of synchronicity... guess what book I'm reading right now? You guessed it... The Artist's Way lol. Hope to see you very soon, friend. Thanks for being here!
Thank you for sharing this. Last year I read Stolen Focus - Why you Can't Pay Attention and How to Think Deeply Again. It was one of the most important books I've ever read. What was important about it is how our phones and social media have been specifically engineered to create addiction. I highly recommend it. I'll openly admit (because I believe this is probably the safest place on the internet), that I go back and forth on my addiction like any addict does. I made changes to the amount of time and then when my anxiety creeps up, I go right back to playing stupid games with the rationalization that it's calming my anxiety. Vicious circle. I permanently deleted my FB account in May and regret I didn't do it sooner. (By the way, permanently deleting the account is almost rocket science AND, it's not immediately deleted - it takes 30 days.) I've yet to delete my Instagram account although, I'm heading in that direction. My rationalization is that how would I know about cool stuff (local live music, community bike rides, KULA, new nut butter flavors!) Perhaps the no Insta from Saturday to Monday is a good place to start. I love this conversation and I appreciate that everyone in this group is sharing, supporting, and in some ways, offering accountablity for our addictions.
Thanks for such an honest share, Michelle. You give some really valuable insights on this -- and I'm going to have to check out that book, it sounds amazing! I completely agree with you that there are SO MANY THINGS that I love in my *real* life that have come from connections on the internet -- some of my closest real life friendships started on instagram, and 3 of my employees were 'discovered' through Instagram. I've also heard stories of people discovering Kula on IG... and then simultaneously starting a meditation or a dance practice as a result of it... so I remain unconvinced that it's ALL BAD. However, I absolutely *have* identified aspects of it that are not helpful to me... and I'm really trying to focus on the ones that I think make a difference in the world. I know that scrolling and spending hours and hours 'checking on the success' of my posts does absolutely no good whatsoever... so, finding a balance between producing meaningful content and then using social media to genuinely follow people that I care about and/or am genuinely interested in seems to be the key. I'm at a point now, where I don't feel a very addictive pull to my phone and I can go all day without using it and barely notice. I still have a FB account, but I absolutely do not use it at all (except to mine photos from my ancient photo albums lol). I have deactivated it before - and if I recall correctly, it seems like the 'way to deactivate' your FB account is very well hidden and difficult to find, so it was always such a hassle to deactivate it. Either way, FB is not a temptation anymore (thank goodness). Taking weekends off has given the ability to still be present in a way that feels somewhat meaningful and fun... but without giving most of my life away to the digital world. Unfortunately, I did not have this balance for the past decade or so... and spent far too much time in the digital realm... while my 'real' life suffered greatly as a result of it. I really do feel like I have let go of the compulsive, unconscious behaviors and can now use social media in a healthy way, without letting it obscure the lens of my life. I truly hope you can find that balance too - and I appreciate you sharing your thoughts as well. It's something that all of us have had to learn how to live with, and I think we are better knowing we aren't alone in the process. Sending you love, friend!
I feel like I struggle with phone addiction. I deleted Facebook because I'd find myself just in the habit of opening it when I was bored. Lately I've been finding myself just playing Sudoku on my phone a lot. And I like to say, how well I'm exercising my brain, but the honest truth is that I open that Sudoku app anytime I am just bored. I'm working on transitioning to other things -- I've been painting and journaling on a paper sketchbook and I want to get back to needle arts and craft more again. It's nice to know I'm not alone in these really addictive urges.
It's so brutal!! I've similarly used 'other apps' as a plug for IG... recipe apps, randomly searching airBNB for no reason... poshmark... etc... really anything to avoid being present with myself. As I moved through this process, I learned how to be OK with just being... without the need to be constantly doing something. It felt very awkward and unnatural at first... but it has gotten so much easier, and I've found a lot of delight in things that I would have once considered boring. I also have so much more time during the day... and randomly enjoy things like cleaning my house. It's such a weird thing... and the addictive urges are very real and hard to fight because they are so deeply embedded. It does get easier over time, and I do feel like I've gotten so much of my life 'back'. There is hope!! :)
So true and honest. We all can learn from this article to "CHECK" ourselfes. Since retiring in 2018 the only social media I use is Instagram. I once was addicted to all of them and on my phone, or tablet ALL THE TIME, now I have slowly removed all except for Instagram and that is limited. Just being with my beautiful QUEEN of 37 years is my addiction. As it should be.
Michael - what sweet, beautiful words that you've shared. I feel the same way about my husband now - and I hope that I can continue to make our relationship the priority in my life. Our relationship is the strongest that it has ever been, and a huge part of that is due to giving up my social media addiction. Thanks for giving ME hope that it is possible.
I'm a serial adopter and dropper of social media lol. Deleted all my IG accounts last year and it was a great decision. (Dropped FB YEARS ago before it really got bad.)
Having been on IG before FB took over and working in marketing, it was sad to see artists who relied so heavily on IG for engagement (therefore business) get frustrated at jumping through all the new hoops just to scrape a few likes. When in reality there's nothing they can do to maintain the pre -FB IG engagement. Because what it takes is money, and a decent amount at that. Happy to see that many are realizing this and creating their own ways to connect with people outside of just social media.
I recently completed week 4 of The Artist's Way which was absolutely no reading.(; ꒪ö꒪) It was shocking how often I reach for my phone to look up any little thought I have. So, while I'm free of social media, the mini computer in my pocket still has a huge hold. :)~
This resonates with me. Especially lately, I have wanted to spend more time reading and yet somehow I get to the end of my day without picking up one library book. Sure, I am productive each day, but there are also often large pockets of time when I could have opened a book but instead reached for my phone. I haven't found a solution and am eagerly looking forward to your next post. Thank you for being vulnerable and honest with us.
You are so welcome Kate! I definitely spell out EVERYTHING I did/do in my next post and I hope it's really helpful. It's honestly still a constant practice -- but it has gotten significantly easier and the physical urges to grab my phone are easy to ignore now, while they are still there very often. Retraining the brain is a challenging but worthwhile endeavor... and the results have been totally worth it. Thank you for reading!
I feel bombarded by the constant stream of info, images, and emotions coming at me from my phone. But, I also use it as an escape from boredom, loneliness, anxiety and other uncomfortable feelings. I want to I create and stick to firm boundaries, but lack of willpower means I usually disappoint myself. And yes, I feel ashamed too. Thank you Anastasia for being so open about this and generously willing to share your struggles and successes.
Thank you for sharing this, Anastasia! I certainly can relate. When my husband and I met you at PCT days I remember you telling me that you are off of social media on the weekends. I wish I would have picked up that same goal immediately. A few weeks ago my husband left to go thru-hike the Arizona Trail. The night before he left we were driving home from a visit with his sister, and instead of visiting with him I was scrolling on my phone. Later he really sweetly mentioned that he wished we would have used that time together better (he didn’t say it like that but I remember thinking “oh no, I’m really putting my time on my phone above my time with my loved ones!”). It’s a big problem and I’m grateful you reminded me that I need to bring it back to the top of the list of addictions I need to kick (just like my addictive “worst case scenario” thoughts)!
So, this felt as if you were speaking to me, yet again. I have given myself restrictions such as weekends and evenings and during work and it is so hard! Also, I just went on a backpacking trip in Olympic National Park where there was actually cell service and my friend was posting to FB WHILE we were in the wilderness. Ugh...that’s too much.
Thank you for sharing! I am so thankful when people are vulnerable because I think it helps the world feel more safe for others to share and be vulnerable. It’s inspiring ❤️ Vulnerability begets vulnerability and it shows so much strength. It can be so scary to be transparent because we might feel judged. People are still going to judge no latter what, but it draws out those that are going to be the type of people that will be good friends. It will attract the type of people of you want to spend time with in this life. I am so happy for you and so grateful for your heart. You have a beautiful heart 💜
So many similarities with the divorce situation - I disappeared from everyone, hid from friends, the world, etc. Yet it was slightly liberating to not be on social for a few years....then as soon as things were "good" again I'm right back at it. Thank you for sharing ❤️
Also, I just learned yesterday from a Marie Forleo podcast that I could "silence" the likes on my IG posts, too, which I did this morning. One less thing to look at for validation.
Appreciate this. Removed fb from my phone a couple weeks ago and it was glorious. I ended up putting it back because I interact with a number of chronic illness groups for things I'm dealing with and it's a pain in the butt through the mobile browser, but just that week away helped severely curtail my usage. 💙 And now, reading this this morning outside in our yard on this beautiful Fall day here definitely made me reach over to hold my husband's hand and just.. BE. See all the birds, listen to their songs, etc. Thank you for that special moment. ❤️
Hi Anastasia, loved this post. It struck home. I’m a middle aged outdoorsy gal who has wondered about my connection to my phone and you eloquently described this situation very well. It IS an addiction. I can’t wait to read your follow up post. Hope you read this after the weekend 😉
The point about having an app to tell you to stop using the phone and then repeatedly turning off that app; that’s me. A lot of our fall weekends are spent in temporarily crowded places, so phone
Connections don’t work, and it helps me tremendously to be happier and just feel more alive. It’s a forced limitation I should put onto myself more.
For me it’s not social media that is the problem. It’s the internet, doom scrolling the news, and wanting to instantly look up information. It causes me to stay up too late with that blue light in my eyes. I’m currently doing a 4 week Happiness program (free from Berkeley) and the first skill it has me working on is digital detox. I chose to try not getting on the internet after dinner. The first two nights I succeeded and it caused me to get sleepy early, go to bed early and the next days I was in a better mood and had more energy. The past two nights I stayed on the internet, went to bed late and had a crap mood. Tonight there will be no internet after dinner!
Celeste, this sounds like an amazing plan - isn't it incredible what happens when we choose to consciously fill ourselves with good energy? I am looking forward to hearing more about your experience over the next few weeks - I hope it is invigorating and healing!
Thank you for your reply! I read your subsequent post on this subject too. Wanted to say that I use paper journals for my daily journaling but I don’t buy physical books anymore because of trying to declutter. I read A LOT, I don’t watch TV. I use a Kindle Paperwhite, it has no browser and while it has side lights, it doesn’t keep me awake like a phone or ipad will. The light can be turned off too and just use reflected natural light. The no browser is what is important to me. I purchased an out of state library membership to the Houston library, $40/year. Includes audiobooks, magazines and ebooks. Better selection than Kindle Unlimited.
Internet for info is a real struggle!
Oh, I love the Kindle suggestion - I've struggled the same with physical books dilemma as well - I don't want to get a ton of clutter and I live in the middle of nowhere, so I don't have easy access to a library, except for a library app (which is, of course, on my cell phone). Right now I'm reading a loaned book on my cellphone and I have a few paperback books as well. I think I'm going to have to check out the kindle + Houston Library combo, that sounds fantastic!! Thank you so much for the info. Also, I have a morning journaling practice too ... before my morning walk, I usually write for a few pages of stream of consciousness. It's so helpful to clean out the mental clutter!
Here’s the Houston library link. I’m in Georgia and the library system here doesn’t have as much on offer as Houston does! So grateful I can subscribe. For years my friends and I were all subscribed to Brooklyn, but they stopped offering it to out of state. Hopefully that won’t happen with Houston.
https://houstonlibrary.org/mylink
Yesterday I logged out of fb and insta and deleted the apps off my phone. It's felt like social media is eating my brain lately, and even when I try to break away by leaving my phone in the other room, I'll still cancel the reminder that I've run out of time on those apps for the day and stand in the dark, staring at my phone. Decided I am logging out for the month. How fortuitous to see your post today! (Or is it the synchronicity that Julia Cameron talks about in The Artist's Way?!)
Katt, I am so thrilled to hear this - and I can't wait to see your post. Congrats on your Social Media fast - once you break the physical addiction, I've found that it becomes easy to use the app in a balanced and healthy way. IT IS LIFE CHANGING and I can't wait to hear what you think. You'll see my post on Sunday about 'what happened' to me when I broke up with IG, but I will say... it was very physically disorienting at first, but GETS SO MUCH BETTER. BTW - speaking of synchronicity... guess what book I'm reading right now? You guessed it... The Artist's Way lol. Hope to see you very soon, friend. Thanks for being here!
Thank you for sharing this. Last year I read Stolen Focus - Why you Can't Pay Attention and How to Think Deeply Again. It was one of the most important books I've ever read. What was important about it is how our phones and social media have been specifically engineered to create addiction. I highly recommend it. I'll openly admit (because I believe this is probably the safest place on the internet), that I go back and forth on my addiction like any addict does. I made changes to the amount of time and then when my anxiety creeps up, I go right back to playing stupid games with the rationalization that it's calming my anxiety. Vicious circle. I permanently deleted my FB account in May and regret I didn't do it sooner. (By the way, permanently deleting the account is almost rocket science AND, it's not immediately deleted - it takes 30 days.) I've yet to delete my Instagram account although, I'm heading in that direction. My rationalization is that how would I know about cool stuff (local live music, community bike rides, KULA, new nut butter flavors!) Perhaps the no Insta from Saturday to Monday is a good place to start. I love this conversation and I appreciate that everyone in this group is sharing, supporting, and in some ways, offering accountablity for our addictions.
Thanks for such an honest share, Michelle. You give some really valuable insights on this -- and I'm going to have to check out that book, it sounds amazing! I completely agree with you that there are SO MANY THINGS that I love in my *real* life that have come from connections on the internet -- some of my closest real life friendships started on instagram, and 3 of my employees were 'discovered' through Instagram. I've also heard stories of people discovering Kula on IG... and then simultaneously starting a meditation or a dance practice as a result of it... so I remain unconvinced that it's ALL BAD. However, I absolutely *have* identified aspects of it that are not helpful to me... and I'm really trying to focus on the ones that I think make a difference in the world. I know that scrolling and spending hours and hours 'checking on the success' of my posts does absolutely no good whatsoever... so, finding a balance between producing meaningful content and then using social media to genuinely follow people that I care about and/or am genuinely interested in seems to be the key. I'm at a point now, where I don't feel a very addictive pull to my phone and I can go all day without using it and barely notice. I still have a FB account, but I absolutely do not use it at all (except to mine photos from my ancient photo albums lol). I have deactivated it before - and if I recall correctly, it seems like the 'way to deactivate' your FB account is very well hidden and difficult to find, so it was always such a hassle to deactivate it. Either way, FB is not a temptation anymore (thank goodness). Taking weekends off has given the ability to still be present in a way that feels somewhat meaningful and fun... but without giving most of my life away to the digital world. Unfortunately, I did not have this balance for the past decade or so... and spent far too much time in the digital realm... while my 'real' life suffered greatly as a result of it. I really do feel like I have let go of the compulsive, unconscious behaviors and can now use social media in a healthy way, without letting it obscure the lens of my life. I truly hope you can find that balance too - and I appreciate you sharing your thoughts as well. It's something that all of us have had to learn how to live with, and I think we are better knowing we aren't alone in the process. Sending you love, friend!
I feel like I struggle with phone addiction. I deleted Facebook because I'd find myself just in the habit of opening it when I was bored. Lately I've been finding myself just playing Sudoku on my phone a lot. And I like to say, how well I'm exercising my brain, but the honest truth is that I open that Sudoku app anytime I am just bored. I'm working on transitioning to other things -- I've been painting and journaling on a paper sketchbook and I want to get back to needle arts and craft more again. It's nice to know I'm not alone in these really addictive urges.
It's so brutal!! I've similarly used 'other apps' as a plug for IG... recipe apps, randomly searching airBNB for no reason... poshmark... etc... really anything to avoid being present with myself. As I moved through this process, I learned how to be OK with just being... without the need to be constantly doing something. It felt very awkward and unnatural at first... but it has gotten so much easier, and I've found a lot of delight in things that I would have once considered boring. I also have so much more time during the day... and randomly enjoy things like cleaning my house. It's such a weird thing... and the addictive urges are very real and hard to fight because they are so deeply embedded. It does get easier over time, and I do feel like I've gotten so much of my life 'back'. There is hope!! :)
So true and honest. We all can learn from this article to "CHECK" ourselfes. Since retiring in 2018 the only social media I use is Instagram. I once was addicted to all of them and on my phone, or tablet ALL THE TIME, now I have slowly removed all except for Instagram and that is limited. Just being with my beautiful QUEEN of 37 years is my addiction. As it should be.
Michael - what sweet, beautiful words that you've shared. I feel the same way about my husband now - and I hope that I can continue to make our relationship the priority in my life. Our relationship is the strongest that it has ever been, and a huge part of that is due to giving up my social media addiction. Thanks for giving ME hope that it is possible.
I'm a serial adopter and dropper of social media lol. Deleted all my IG accounts last year and it was a great decision. (Dropped FB YEARS ago before it really got bad.)
Having been on IG before FB took over and working in marketing, it was sad to see artists who relied so heavily on IG for engagement (therefore business) get frustrated at jumping through all the new hoops just to scrape a few likes. When in reality there's nothing they can do to maintain the pre -FB IG engagement. Because what it takes is money, and a decent amount at that. Happy to see that many are realizing this and creating their own ways to connect with people outside of just social media.
I recently completed week 4 of The Artist's Way which was absolutely no reading.(; ꒪ö꒪) It was shocking how often I reach for my phone to look up any little thought I have. So, while I'm free of social media, the mini computer in my pocket still has a huge hold. :)~
Next week is week 4 for me in The Artist's Way and I'm not looking froward to that task!
This resonates with me. Especially lately, I have wanted to spend more time reading and yet somehow I get to the end of my day without picking up one library book. Sure, I am productive each day, but there are also often large pockets of time when I could have opened a book but instead reached for my phone. I haven't found a solution and am eagerly looking forward to your next post. Thank you for being vulnerable and honest with us.
You are so welcome Kate! I definitely spell out EVERYTHING I did/do in my next post and I hope it's really helpful. It's honestly still a constant practice -- but it has gotten significantly easier and the physical urges to grab my phone are easy to ignore now, while they are still there very often. Retraining the brain is a challenging but worthwhile endeavor... and the results have been totally worth it. Thank you for reading!
Yup. This sums up my own addiction. Thanks for the “Aha” moments as I read this. Time for me to come up with an exit plan.
You will not regret it, Laura. Once I was fully committed, I haven't looked back!
Thank you. I look forward to your next blog post 🙏
I feel bombarded by the constant stream of info, images, and emotions coming at me from my phone. But, I also use it as an escape from boredom, loneliness, anxiety and other uncomfortable feelings. I want to I create and stick to firm boundaries, but lack of willpower means I usually disappoint myself. And yes, I feel ashamed too. Thank you Anastasia for being so open about this and generously willing to share your struggles and successes.
Thank you for sharing this, Anastasia! I certainly can relate. When my husband and I met you at PCT days I remember you telling me that you are off of social media on the weekends. I wish I would have picked up that same goal immediately. A few weeks ago my husband left to go thru-hike the Arizona Trail. The night before he left we were driving home from a visit with his sister, and instead of visiting with him I was scrolling on my phone. Later he really sweetly mentioned that he wished we would have used that time together better (he didn’t say it like that but I remember thinking “oh no, I’m really putting my time on my phone above my time with my loved ones!”). It’s a big problem and I’m grateful you reminded me that I need to bring it back to the top of the list of addictions I need to kick (just like my addictive “worst case scenario” thoughts)!
So, this felt as if you were speaking to me, yet again. I have given myself restrictions such as weekends and evenings and during work and it is so hard! Also, I just went on a backpacking trip in Olympic National Park where there was actually cell service and my friend was posting to FB WHILE we were in the wilderness. Ugh...that’s too much.
Thank you for sharing! I am so thankful when people are vulnerable because I think it helps the world feel more safe for others to share and be vulnerable. It’s inspiring ❤️ Vulnerability begets vulnerability and it shows so much strength. It can be so scary to be transparent because we might feel judged. People are still going to judge no latter what, but it draws out those that are going to be the type of people that will be good friends. It will attract the type of people of you want to spend time with in this life. I am so happy for you and so grateful for your heart. You have a beautiful heart 💜
So many similarities with the divorce situation - I disappeared from everyone, hid from friends, the world, etc. Yet it was slightly liberating to not be on social for a few years....then as soon as things were "good" again I'm right back at it. Thank you for sharing ❤️
Also, I just learned yesterday from a Marie Forleo podcast that I could "silence" the likes on my IG posts, too, which I did this morning. One less thing to look at for validation.
Appreciate this. Removed fb from my phone a couple weeks ago and it was glorious. I ended up putting it back because I interact with a number of chronic illness groups for things I'm dealing with and it's a pain in the butt through the mobile browser, but just that week away helped severely curtail my usage. 💙 And now, reading this this morning outside in our yard on this beautiful Fall day here definitely made me reach over to hold my husband's hand and just.. BE. See all the birds, listen to their songs, etc. Thank you for that special moment. ❤️
Hi Anastasia, loved this post. It struck home. I’m a middle aged outdoorsy gal who has wondered about my connection to my phone and you eloquently described this situation very well. It IS an addiction. I can’t wait to read your follow up post. Hope you read this after the weekend 😉
The point about having an app to tell you to stop using the phone and then repeatedly turning off that app; that’s me. A lot of our fall weekends are spent in temporarily crowded places, so phone
Connections don’t work, and it helps me tremendously to be happier and just feel more alive. It’s a forced limitation I should put onto myself more.