AMA with AMA - Answering YOUR questions!
Commercial breaks... the butternut squash disaster... lifespan of a Kula... and holiday plans!
Psst. As always, my posts are far too long for e-mail format, so please click ‘read more’ at the bottom to see the whole thing!
Dear Kula Diaries,
It is that time of week for another AMA (Ask Me Anything!). I’ve been loving your questions recently… and the most challenging thing about doing these AMAs is that it is getting nearly impossible to select questions. There are SO MANY QUESTIONS that I want to answer that it is also tempting to forego any other responsibilities in my life so that I can permanently answer AMA questions as a full time job. I mean… if I’m being honest, it’s pretty much my dream. Isn’t that funny? I started visualizing my life a few years ago as the founder of a gear company… and while I am absolutely not dissatisfied with where I am now… I also love the idea of continually evolving and not staying ‘stuck’ in one spot. For the past few years, I’ve been focused on an idea of how I want to be and feel… and quitting social media and spending more time writing has been a huge part of that. It feels good to be here and to be spending time allowing words to flow.
Oh — and as one more tiny side note before we get started … I will be performing with The Musical Mountaineers this coming weekend on Saturday (November 18th) at the NW Stream Center in Mill Creek, Washington. If you are going to be there - I can’t wait to see you. If you are looking for a really fun and beautiful concert — I hope you will join us!
Without further delay… it’s time for me to answer some questions!
Dear AMA,
This may or may not be relevant: how do you spend commercial breaks in light of your reduced phone time? Is this an opportunity to do push-ups or to mindfully watch advertisements? (is that an oxymoron?)
This is a great question, and I definitely think you could mindfully watch commercials, but luckily my husband and I have a DVR so the very little television that we record, we usually fast forward through the advertisements. We are not a very TV-heavy household. I’ve mentioned previously that my ex-husband loved watching television during our time together, and so did his family. Whenever we went to visit them, I don’t think there was a moment when the TV wasn’t on. There isn’t anything inherently bad about this — I think I just wasn’t used to it. As a kid, our television watching was pretty limited (evenings/special programs… and mostly PBS), so I didn’t grow up watching TV. I’m also pretty lucky that my parents never had to worry about ‘screen time’ with me … with the exception of the time that I got addicted to using AOL instant messenger and ended up with a $300 monthly AOL bill (does anybody else remember when you had to pay per minute? Ha!).
So, to answer your question — I don’t often have the opportunity to watch TV, but if I were in that situation, I believe that I’d mindfully watch the commercials and/or use the time to talk to the folks that I was spending time with. Another practice that I have at home is using the time while I’m watching a show to paint in my small notebook. I usually pick a small nature scene to paint and then I hand letter a quote onto the page as well — this tends to fill the time while I’m watching the show. It would also be really easy to carry around a tiny travel sized paint set that you could use anytime you find ‘space’ that wants to be filled with a cell phone. Finally, commercials are a great opportunity to do a meditation. You don’t even have to close your eyes. Just tune into your breathing, and follow it in and out of your body. Eckhart Tolle says that even 4 mindful breaths is an important practice in finding the present moment.
For the record, I’m currently watching the final season of Curb Your Enthusiasm, and I really have enjoyed shows like The Good Place, Murderville, Justified, Better Call Saul… and a super guilty pleasure is the show Is it Cake?… which is ridiculous, but also wholesome and enjoyable. I also just watched the movie What We Do in the Shadows, which was unbelievably witty and clever.
One of the other things that I’ve really enjoyed lately is simply getting comfortable with the uncomfortable space that used to be filled by my phone. Yesterday, my husband and I went out to dinner in Seattle, and he left the table to use the restroom and I sat happily in the restaurant looking around and I was blown away by how enjoyable it was. In the past, I would have had my phone out of my creepy cat fanny pack before my husband even left the table… but now, the space is so delightful. There is such a beautiful sense of joy that bubbles up by just being there. It wasn’t comfortable at first and it did feel a bit awkward, but I can say with sincerity, that I love it now.
The next time that you encounter space that feels like it needs to be filled… see if you can let it be how it is, and then let the moment fill itself. I think you will be surprised and delighted at how much life sparkles when you let it.
Dear AMA,
What is the lifespan of a single Kula Cloth? How many “wipes” or “button snaps” are in a Kula before it wears out?
The lifespan of a Kula Cloth is largely dependent on the ‘aggressiveness’ of the Kula Cloth user. I also just realized that I probably shouldn’t use the words ‘aggressive’ and ‘Kula Cloth’ in the same sentence — the mental imagery is ripe with possibility, ha!
If you want to maximize the life of your Kula, this is what I would recommend:
handwash with gentle soap in a sink after you use it and/or with a water bottle and some gentle soap (like Bronner’s soap) at camp
avoid using the washing machine and dryer if possible, and keep the Kula away from velcro at all costs
If you have to put the Kula in a washer and dryer, make sure you snap the strap beforehand so it doesn’t get caught or snagged
If possible, put the Kula in a lingerie bag before it goes into the wash
When you snap and unsnap the Kula, make sure that you hold the Kula by the snaps… rather than by yanking on the fabric
I have had the same Kulas for over 5 years… and some Kula customers still actively use their original prototype Kulas (that were sewed by me!). The antimicrobial properties of a Kula should absolutely outlast the life of the Kula. In fabric testing, the antimicrobial properties of the Kula diminished by less than 1% after 50 washes in a commercial washer/dryer with harsh detergent. So, if you are hand washing your Kula with gentle soap… the antimicrobial properties should last much longer.
If you are currently eating popcorn, you’ll enjoy the comments section of this video:
Also, every few years an article pops up on the internet talking about the dangers of silver in hygiene underwear. This article is based on an investigation that the Sierra Club did into the fabric that was being used in THINX period underwear. The fabric that is used in a Kula is not the same fabric. Our textiles are manufactured in the USA and they contain silver ions, not nanoparticles (which can be harmful). Silver ions are inert and release no silver particulates into the environment.
At the end of your Kula Cloth’s life, after saying your goodbyes and thanking it for years of comfort on the trail, I’d recommend looking into a fabric recycling program so that the circular lifecycle of the Kula can continue.
Finally - I want to thank you so much for being a Kula customer. It still delights my heart when people ask questions about Kula Cloth and to know that there is a Kula Cloth out there having adventures with you and with so many other people is really special. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your support!
Dear AMA:
Please elaborate: “And then I’d tell a story about the butternut squash that I attempted to cook in college (it didn’t go well)…”
First off, I want to offer a heartfelt apology to the person who asked this question… because you did not know what you were getting yourself into. As you will soon find out… the butternut squash incident has very little to do with butternut squash. I will, however, offer my condolences in the form of my favorite butternut squash preparation at the end of this saga.
In one of my last posts, I shared a conversation game that my husband and I play called, ‘The Question Game’. This game is, without a doubt, the easiest game to play… and the conversations we’ve had as a result of it are interesting, insightful and have really been a way that encourages us to stay curious about each other.
During one of those games, my husband asked me about whether or not I had ever had any kitchen mishaps… and, of course, I had. I could have told him about a lot of mishaps… like the time that I once cooked a plastic knife on top of a pizza at 500 degrees… or the time when I melted every piece of my Halloween candy into one giant piece of candy in an attempt to make the ‘perfect’ piece of candy (it was not perfect).
One of those that I referenced was the ‘butternut squash disaster’ of 2002. But in order to fully appreciate this story, you need to know a little bit more information about my living arrangements at the time.
In my senior year of college, I made a completely impulsive decision to live with 3 apartment-mates that I didn’t know very well. Two of these humans were fraternity brothers at my college… and one of them was a woman that I was friends with. All of them were partiers. When I started college, I had never partied or had any alcohol in my life, save for a few sips of wine that my dad permitted and an occasional sip of very sour wine at church. In fact, when I attended my very first fraternity party during my freshman year, I brought my own Dr. Pepper and Kit Kat Bar to the party. Just imagine, if you will, a 17 year old Anastasia… standing against the wall of a dingy basement. Wide-eyed and overwhelmed… I stood awkwardly holding my can of Dr. Pepper and a King Sized Kit Kat Bar while attempting to bop to the music. I’m surprised I didn’t get kicked out.
I had a very brief stint of partying when I was a junior, influenced by my freshman neighbors in my dorm. These two gentlemen had been banished from their dorm after they lit a Hooka on fire in their room and it burned down (I can’t make this up). I became friends with them, mostly because I was trying to help them not flunk out of college. They both spent nearly every evening partying, and actually making it to class was a huge challenge for them. Every single morning, I’d go to the dining hall and make them both a cream cheese bagel and bring them coffee and try to wake them up and get them to go to class. At some point, I got sucked into their partying — although not nearly at the level of devotion that they had. I was a pre-medical student, and organic chemistry and partying all night didn’t seem to mix very well.
In the midst of this socialization, I met my soon-to-be senior year apartment-mates during my brief stint as a ‘cool girl’ at college. I’d like to be very clear: I was never one of the cool kids… I was just good at pretending like I was one of them. And so, I moved into a very cool apartment my senior year with some very prolific partiers that I had nothing in common with. Almost immediately, I went back to my studious ways… which included an 8am Ancient Greek Language class… and 400 level Latin classes (that I still have reoccurring nightmares about). Senioritis hit me hard, and I was really ready to graduate.
My roommates, however, were all sophomores or juniors and they were not ready to graduate. They were ready to party. Somehow, our apartment became the spot for Thursday night parties… for the entire fraternity. Within a few weeks, it was impossible to walk across the floor in the apartment because the living room was covered with a thick coat of sticky, partially dried beer. My roommates were seemingly unable to clean, and the dishes piled into the sink were beginning to look like the leaning tower of Pisa. One of my roommates had never cooked in his life, and he almost started a fire attempting to boil water. The conditions in the kitchen were less than desirable, so I purchased a tiny mini fridge that I could keep in my room, because the Thursday parties were resulting in most of my food disappearing. Simultaneously, I took a job at a Level 1 Trauma Unit and I was working two 12-hour shifts per week, usually back to back. I’d spend my weekends assisting with pretty devastating traumas and drug overdose patients… and then come home to my roommates, drinking themselves into oblivion and telling me that they just purchased drugs for their next party. I kicked myself for making the obviously very dumb mistake of living with people that I knew just wanted to party all the time.
During the hiring process for my job as a Park Ranger and during my hiring process as a railroad police officer, I had to undergo pretty thorough background checks — that included a polygraph test. This portion of the hiring process is relatively intense and it involves a statement called a Personal History Statement. The Personal History Statement is where you answer questions about anything you’ve ever done that may or may not disqualify you from employment in a law enforcement capacity. For instance, you can have smoked cannabis products less than 15 times (total), but not in the past three years… and you cannot have ever used any combination of hard drugs (i.e. cocaine, meth, etc…) more than 3 times in your entire life… and not in the past ten years. This is a very abbreviated description of some of the requirements… but you get the idea. As a part of my personal history statement, I also had to disclose any time that I was ever in the vicinity of drugs and/or other unlawful activities. The purpose of this exercise is less about being perfect… and more about being honest. And so, you can imagine that living with roommates who partied and did drugs all the time gave me ample opportunity to later confess my proximity to their extracurricular activities. One particular moment stands out to me, because it really captures both the essence of my innocence… and the contrast of the environment in which I was living. My female roommate walked up to me one day and handed me a small ziplok bag that had a shiny black rock in it, “Do you know what that is, Anastasia?”, she asked me. I looked at the bag and at the rock inside and pondered for a moment before answering, “Obsidian?”. It was not obsidian. It was opium.
And so, you now know that I was living in a situation that was not entirely in perfect alignment with how I lived my own life. It wasn’t necessarily bad or horrible… it just wasn’t a place where I belonged. I was a studious, violin-playing loner who liked to go to bed somewhat early. They liked to play beer pong every single night. We just weren’t a match made in heaven. One week, I had an Ancient Greek midterm on Friday morning at 8am. I begged and pleaded with them to skip their Thursday party… and I was devastated and dismayed when they showed up with a keg on Thursday evening. The noise levels in the apartment were bordering on deafening, when I realized that I had the circuit breaker for the entire apartment in my room. I opened it up…. and hit the main breaker for the apartment… which was quickly followed by the sound of about 100 people panicking about the power going out. When they realized that the circuit breaker must be in my room, they pounded on the door … and when I finally opened it and turned the power back on… I stepped out into the room with 100 people staring at me in my pajamas and pleaded with them, “Please! I have an Ancient Greek exam tomorrow, and I asked a few weeks ago for this party to be skipped. Please. Can you all leave?” And then I watched as 100 drunk college students filed out of my apartment.
So, now you know way more than you ever probably wanted to know about my senior year of college. I was a square peg in a round hole… and my living situation was my fault and my choice. I had known better moving into that apartment, and I was disappointed that I had been sucked into the idea without really thinking about it. Since I was sequestering my food from everybody, and since I was on a pretty tight budget, I was trying to eat as frugally as possible. One week, I decided to ‘splurge’ and buy myself a butternut squash. My mom made squash when I was a kid and she would bake it and then add butter and brown sugar and cinnamon. It was a dish that reminded me of home, which was definitely not the feeling that I had living in this apartment. My eating habits in the apartment were usually: cook as quickly as possible and then retreat to my bedroom to eat my dinner. I assumed it would be pretty easy to make butternut squash… because, really, how difficult could it be? So, I cut the butternut squash in half and roasted it in the oven… and genuinely and honestly had no idea that you needed to place the squash face down on the baking sheet.
It had been a really long day… I had seen some traumatic stuff at the ER… and this meal was directly on the heels of the disastrous Greek exam and the circuit braker incident… and having that butternut squash felt like it was going to be exactly what I needed to turn my mood around. I set the timer and re-emerged from my room after 45 minutes or so to check on the squash… and I was horrified to find that I had basically cooked the butternut squash into lumps of coal in the oven. I had placed the butternut squash face ‘up’ in the oven… instead of face down, which would have kept all of the moisture in. The squash was dried out, hard and ruined. I sat in my little apartment that night and cried while eating some plain pasta.
Here’s the thing — when I look back on that moment now, the squash itself wasn’t a horrible kitchen disaster. Sure, I didn’t cook it right, but I didn’t set fire to the kitchen… and I’ve certainly made worse mistakes (don’t accidentally use chili powder instead of cinnamon in an apple crisp, fyi). The butternut squash disaster of 2002 had nothing to do with butternut squash at all… and everything to do with the fact that I just felt very much alone. I felt like I didn’t belong — and that squash, in some way, was one little thing that made me feel like I could remember who I was. I think that life tests us like that a lot. We find ourselves in uncomfortable situations, and we grasp at the familiar to find a sense of meaning and purpose. We look outside of ourselves for something that we can recognize that will help us remember that there is a shred of good still there. I’ve used the analogy of climbing before, but I’m always amazed by the climbers who can ascend a peak by holding onto the tiniest little granular crystals that stick out of the side of a sheer cliff. Life is like that too — we find ourselves feeling lost, and we look for a tiny piece of something — anything — to hold onto. Sometimes it is a familiar face, sometimes it is a place we love, and sometimes it is the taste of something that reminds us of the sweetness that still lives within us. And when even our tiny handhold is stripped away… then what? Those are the moments where we look within… those are the moments where we remember that the things that we were looking outside of ourselves for are still there.
So, friends… here we are. I bet that when you read this question you’d never guess that the answer would involve opium… circuit breakers… an Ancient Greek final exam and a sticky floor covered in a thin coating of beer. And yet — isn’t that life? A funny assortment of memories and objects and experiences that make something — like a simple squash — so much more than what it is. I’d love to share this little bit of sweetness with all of you, so I’m going to give you my favorite preparation of butternut squash… and I hope you can eat it someday soon and enjoy all of the delicious flavors and textures. I hope it reminds you of the sweetness of your life.
Preheat oven to 375 and prepare a baking sheet with parchment paper.
Cut butternut squash in half lengthwise.
A paring knife works really well for cutting butternut squash (lengthwise!). Just don’t call it a PARER and put it in Wordle. Still bitter about that word. I’ll get over it. Scoop out seeds and discard or compost.
Can you do anything with butternut squash seeds? Grow more squash? If so, maybe you could save them. Rub the cut face of the butternut squash with a little bit of butter.
If you aren’t a butter person… feel free to sub with coconut oil or olive oil or plant based butter! Place squash face down on the baking sheet.
Sprinkle a little bit of water all over the parchment paper.
Roast for about 45 minutes, or until squash is soft. The flesh should be soft enough that you can press a fork on the skin and it should sink in to the touch. When you flip it over, the flesh will be darker and caramelized and very soft. Larger squashes might need more cooking time.
If somebody could tell me how I come up with these ideas, I’d really appreciate that so much. Remove squash from oven, but leave oven on.
Using a fork, scrape the flesh of the squash and add in some butter (1 tbsp), brown sugar (as much as you’d like), cinnamon (sprinkle) and a little bit of salt.
So close to perfect deliciousness! Mix the squash and butter and brown sugar and cinnamon together.
Place the squash face up in the oven and roast for another 5 minutes. You can turn the broiler on high for a few minutes if you like that sort of thing.
Pull out of the oven and you can eat the squash directly out of the skin … or scoop onto a plate or into a bowl.
Close your eyes while you eat a few bites and really savor it!
The finished product! My husband and I ate the squash for dinner and it was… heavenly. So, thank you for the inspiration!
My sister once told me, “Only you can write a poem about pooping outside and end up talking about the meaning of life at the end of it.” I took that as a huge compliment. I hope that you all enjoyed this story about butternut squash as much as I did telling it… and particularly, as much as I enjoyed eating the squash for dinner! If you cook the squash, tell me how you like it! If you get very excited about butternut squash (how could you not!!)… I will also share this Butternut Penne Pasta dish by Mark Bittman, which is one of my favorite recipes. I hope you love it as much as I do.
Dear AMA,
How can I deal with people asking me about Christmas plans? I don’t have any and I don’t want to make people feel bad when I explain that (and they ask “why?”) - but I don’t want to lie either (during the follow-up questions). I just really don’t enjoy typical Christmas things that mean being in crowded spaces, spending time indoors eating, etc - and for me it means having to take a flight to go home, which I also don’t want to do right now. I feel like you might suggest to spend time outdoors (I wish!) but I am limited physically, so the past few years, Christmas has just been an extension of a solo quarantine-like state. [Note: this could also be relevant for Thanksgiving in the US, so feel free to substitute if you prefer to write about another holiday]
Hello friend — first, off, other than last year (which was a first for me), I’ve spent almost a decade having Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays alone. If I ever mentioned this to people, they would try to invite me to their festivities, and, honestly, I was fine being home alone - in fact, I preferred it. So, I completely understand where you are coming from.
I think that it is totally possible to find a balance of being honest and still honoring your own boundaries in this situation. If somebody asks you about your Christmas Plans — you might say something like, “Oh, I’m choosing to staying home this year!” If you can approach your solo quarantine-like state as if it were the plan (which it sounds like it is!)… then it might not come across as not having plans, which could avoid some of the follow up questions. Or, if they do ask why, you could simply say that you are looking forward to staying home and enjoying some quiet time — it doesn’t even have to be holiday related.
When my husband was working on Christmas and people would ask me what I was doing, I’d always say that I was looking forward to staying home that day. If I had said something like, “Oh, nothing,”… that might leave the conversation open to an invitation or other questions. But, since staying home was my plan, it didn’t invite any awkward invitations that would then require additional explanation. Embrace your decision to stay at home as your plan! It sounds like that might be what you’d really like to do, and I think if you tell people that, they will be less likely to probe more deeply. In my experience, most people who ask additional questions are doing so because they are genuinely caring and want to make sure that you don’t feel left out — which is probably more to do with them, than it is you. If they know that you are confident and pleased with your choice, they won’t feel bad about not making an attempt to include you.
My second recommendation is that if it feels better to you to have some sort of ‘plan’ to tell people about — you could create your own little tradition for your holiday. This might include simple things such as buying a variety of teas and hosting a solo tea-tasting evening… or maybe gathering some art supplies and spending the day painting and listening to music…. or rent some of your favorite movies and watch them while learning how to do something new (this reminds me that I need to start knitting again!). My husband and I spend most holidays together (without visiting any family or friends), and I love to cook a special meal for both of us… and I really enjoy baking, so usually I’ll try to bake some new recipes during the time off.
It might surprise some folks who know me through Kula that I am a little bit of a ‘hermit’. While I sometimes lead a public life (either here, or at various events, or on social media), I am actually a relatively quiet and private person. I rarely spend time with more than a few people, and I don’t have a large group of friends. I don’t like large crowds, although I do enjoy going into town for dinners on occasion. I prefer to spend a lot of time alone and/or with my husband. Throughout my entire life, I have never had large groups of friends — I don’t know if this was due to being bullied as a kid, but either way, it’s just how things have worked out for me. I don’t travel with other people and I consider myself a little bit of an ‘ambivert’ — I’ve been told that is somebody who appears extroverted in social environments, but needs to be away from people to re-charge. The thing that I’ve learned most about realizing this about myself is that I need to honor it — so that I can show up for people, in the moments when I need to. If holidays aren’t you’re thing — that’s totally fine. Maybe a holiday is a time for you to rest and re-charge so that you can restore an important part of who you are. Maybe you aren’t missing anything by being at home… maybe being at home is what will allow you to be the best version of who you want to be. Trust your intuition and do what feels best for you. And, if you ever doubt yourself, please know that there is at least one other person out here on this planet who will be (mostly) alone over the holidays… and I’ll be sending you a lot of love. And you know what… shouldn’t that be what the holidays are about? Loving each other… exactly how we are.
Dearest friends, thank you so much for being here… this is my 24th week of writing The Kula Diaries, and I have had so much fun with it! The past few months have been challenging for me as a business owner, and The Kula Diaries has been a spark of joy in my life. So, I want to thank all of you for reading the things that I write… and for asking questions… and for helping me to focus forward on something that feels really good to me. When I was a little kid, I was always the one raising her hand to tell a story, even when nobody wanted to hear it. I probably got good at ignoring social cues… but maybe I was doing it right. Maybe telling stories is what we were meant to do… and maybe our silence was what was wrong to begin with. Maybe it is the stories that we share that are meant to connect us all and to help heal the places that we’ve neglected for so long. I hope that someday soon, I get to hear some of your stories too.
Wherever you are today, I am sending you all a wish for ease, peace and joy in your life. You are loved so much, friends. Thank you for being here.
Love,
Anastasia
P.S. If you want to submit a question for an upcoming AMA, you can do that using the Kula Diaries Vault. If you would like a response, make sure to include your e-mail address. I love hearing from you!
I like savory butternut squash. You can soften the squash for chopping by poking it a few times with a fork and briefly putting it in the microwave. I peel it, cube it, toss the cubes with olive oil, salt, pepper and smoked paprika. Roast at 400, stirring every 15 minutes. Takes 30-45 minutes depending on how you like it.
1. In Hawaii there is a cultural tradition to “talk story”. That’s what your Kula Diaries remind me of.
2. My husband would love to have your Christmas tree! His first career was designing antennas and he always points out the tree cell towers to me. Our tree is a grouping of 3 fake palm trees.
3. I’m AMAZED the partiers left your apartment that night.
4. THANK YOU for normalizing quiet Christmas at home! A winery near me just posted “come relax with us this weekend before the hectic week ahead.” UGH. I thought “why do we do this to ourselves?!” I’ll be at home with husband, that’s it.
5. I knit and crochet. Right now I’m doing a project that might interest you, a Temperature Blanket. Each row’s color represents the day’s high temperature. It’s interesting to be making something in collaboration with Mother Nature! Lots of examples and patterns online.
6. Now I want to make your giant cookie recipe. I’m putting the ingredients in my online cart for pick up right now. Thanks for the recipe.