Tuning out the noise
Finding space in a crowded world
Dear Kula Diaries friends,
Recently, I attended a workshop, and halfway through, I stopped listening. I promise: I wasn’t trying to be rude. And, honestly, the speakers had a lot of really good information. But, as I started to listen to the very-well meaning speakers … I started to felt a very familiar sense of overwhelm arise. As I listened to these experts, I started to tally up an imaginary list of the things that (according to them) I should be doing (but wasn’t). I felt the life drain out of my body… I started to feel downright depressed about the 40 hours per week that I was apparently not maximizing.
Up until that point in the day, I had been feeling pretty awesome: We just released a Rapunzel Gaiter collab with a woman-owned ski and snowboard company called Coalition Snow, I got invited to host a Kula pop-up at the Grand Opening of the Lynnwood REI store, I’m in the process of planning my first (epic) vacation in many years, and, in general, I’ve been really working on finding a sense of peace, balance and spaciousness in my life. While there are definitely still some hectic moments, overall, I feel great about where I am and how I’ve gotten there. I don’t always know how to do things, but I am pretty good at figuring things out and at allowing things to flow organically and naturally.
I went to this workshop, because it seemed like a good opportunity to learn new skills, but I quickly found myself feeling like a complete failure. I want to make it very clear: this was not the intent of the speakers. These folks were not trying to overwhelm anybody. They were giving really good information. The feeling of overwhelm was coming from within me, and was a result of my own personal experience of life and the fears that like to tag along with me on a regular basis.
Almost instantly, my awesome feeling of confidence and excitement about my day, was replaced by an untrue reality in my mind in which I was falling behind… incompetent… and, according to absolutely nobody at all, totally a failure as a business owner.
I’m sharing this, because if you find yourself in a similar situation, I want you to know that:
It’s normal.
You aren’t doing anything wrong and you aren’t failing and you aren’t falling behind.
I love learning. I love finding new ways to improve what I am doing, but there’s also a saturation point when something crests the point of helpfulness and begins to shift into something else: a sense of not-enough-ness… a moment when the information ceases to be helpful and starts to plant tiny seeds of doubt. What so many of these ‘workshops’ do not take into consideration is that each person has their own unique path to follow, and it is up to each of us to determine what that path might be. It’s easy to attend a seminar and to trick yourself into believing that if you aren’t doing all the things, that you are missing out on something major or that you’re falling behind and that you’ll never, ever, get ahead. But, that’s completely wrong.
What works for somebody else, might not be the path for you. And so, as you listen to workshops or seminars, make sure to take them with a grain of salt so that you don’t leave feeling in complete despair about how you are doing or where you are going. Just because somebody else is doing something that works for them, does not mean that it is the right thing for you too. Trust yourself, above all things … above any advice from anybody else (including me) … and trust your own intuition. If something feels good, you can trust that feeling. If something feels like you are ‘forcing’ yourself to do something that somebody else told you that you should be doing… then it is probably something that won’t give you the results that you want anyways.
If you did the quest in the Kula newsletter last week, you’ll recognize this gem:
When I find myself feeling a sense of not-enough-ness, I know that I need to back off. My next move is not to rush out and do all of the billion things that I just realized that I ‘should be doing but am not doing and therefore I’m a failure’. Instead, my next move is this: just be present. Be present to the feeling within myself. Be present to the untrue-ness of what I am thinking, and tap in with what I am knowing. What is real and true in this moment? Usually, that’s just something simple: me, sitting here, breathing and being… and that’s it. Nothing has changed between the moment when I heard information and the moment after I heard that information. Well, nothing has changed… except my thoughts. And my thoughts are probably not true. These are the moments when we need to reconnect with something that is true. These are the moments when we need to do the things that feel good to us and not frantically scramble to become something that we are not.
This year, I’ve decided to open the door to spaciousness, which means that I need to intentionally find ways to leave space in my brain. Space for what? Well, space for the infinite to arrive. You can’t know what’s going to arrive in the spaciousness of your heart and mind unless it’s empty and able to receive. In a world where we often fill every second of every day with work… or a cell phone… or doing things… it’s easy to drown out the tiny little nudges and the gifted moments of inspiration that arise like gently cresting waves. It’s easy to ignore our connection to all things when we are overly connected to the digital world in the palm of our hands or in our computer screen. It’s easy to fill in the gaps with busy work and unintentionally push away the space that would otherwise be filled with creative inspiration.
Just because you feel overwhelmed listening to a business workshop, it doesn’t mean that the business workshop was bad — it’s just your personal emotional compass letting you know that this particular thing isn’t necessarily in alignment with where you are right now. Don’t force yourself to do something that feels ‘off’ to you, just because some ‘expert’ in the field told you that you need to do it. We have forgotten how to listen to our own inner voice — we’ve forgotten how to trust ourselves, and in doing so, we’ve given our power and our unique perspective away to somebody else. We try to cram our own infinitely creative spirit into a mold that was not designed to hold the ways in which we can bloom most easily, and we end up feeling squished and uncomfortable. Ultimately, we want to spread our wings and fly — we want to feel ease and freedom and love and connection, and we want to bring to life the things that matter to each of us.
When I first left my job and went through coaching training and was in the process of ‘figuring out’ my life in the outdoor industry, one of the most helpful things that I did was this: I stopped looking at what other people were doing. I stopped reading advice. I intentionally tuned out the noise and turned up the silence. I stopped trying to follow somebody else’s blueprint. Your unique and beautiful blueprint will arrive as you follow your own heart, and it will feel authentic and true to who you are. Yes, you can absolutely be inspired by other humans — and if you can do that, while still allowing your own creativity to bloom, then go for it. But, if you find that you feel a sense of overwhelm… or lack… or not-enough-ness as you listen to the advice of others… or look at what other folks are ‘telling you to do’ — that’s your clue to step back and listen to what you know you should do. Inside, we have all of the answers. Inside, we know what our next step is. It doesn’t start by following a specific plan… it starts by tuning into our heart and listening to the stillness for a moment. It starts by trusting that we have been on the path… and are always on the path to discovering what we were meant to bring into this world for the greater good of all beings.
I am six years into owning a business, and I’m writing this down so that if you find yourself feeling completely overwhelmed and trying to shake off the nagging sensation that you are missing something or screwing it up…
You aren’t.
It’s also OK that you’re feeling that way.
You are where you need to be right now. You can trust it.
When you feel that sense of overwhelm, it doesn’t mean that you need to push harder and do more. Instead, try this: do less. Go connect with yourself again. Reconnect with what you know is true: that you are an infinite being that is miraculous in every single way and that you are connected to all things and that anything is possible when you are open to it. The more that you open your heart, the more that the path will arrive — and it will be your path… not somebody else’s path… not somebody else’s map. It will be yours, because you are the one creating it… and because it was meant to be brought into existence through your unique and special lens.
You’re doing great friends. Dance for a few minutes today, and trust yourself. You’ve got this.
A small reminder that you had very nice things to say about silence (aka tuning out the noise) a few months ago :) https://www.outtherepodcast.com/episodes/silencecommunityepisode
Also in the narrated version, when you say “Space for what?” it reminded me of the intonation Marcel the Shell uses when he says “Some people say my head is too big for my body and I say, ‘compared to what?’”
“Instead, try this: do less.” … and maybe you were onto something with “take more. do less.” :-D