As always, this post is far too long for e-mail format … so click ‘read more’ at the bottom if you want to see the whole thing… or listen to the voiceover!
Dear Kula Diaries,
Last week I took a ‘detour’ from writing about the ‘6 tiny things’ that I started doing to change my life in order to celebrate Kula Cloth’s 5th birthday party. This week… we are going to really, really appreciate things… but, we’ll start with some appreciation humor.
My husband and I both used to work for a major railroad. I’m not going to name names… but their locomotives are orange and you can probably figure it out from there. Oh, and I’ve also mentioned it about 1,000 times. My husband’s job (before he left to pursue early retirement and becoming a professional cat gondolier) was a ‘Trainmaster’ - which is a silly sounding word that makes him sound like he should have been wearing a top hat to work. I promise you - he did not wear a top hat to work. Actually, he wore slacks and a button down shirt and these big, bulky steel-toed boots… and I was telling him last night that just the thought of him wearing that outfit and standing by the door holding his lunchbox about to go work his 14 hour shift for the day makes me feel physically ill. We spent nearly 10 years apart - working opposite shifts and seeing each other for barely 1.5 hours of non-quality time per day. When I started Kula Cloth, one of the biggest dreams that I had was to be able to retire Aaron from his job at the railroad.
Last year, on May 31st - he walked out of his railroad job for the last time. A few months ago, he put on those big steel toed boots again and I was shocked at how much it bothered me to see him wearing them. Aaron supported me and believed in me from the very beginning of my ‘wild’ idea to leave my job and start a company. He worked day in and day out - 12-14 hour shifts - to give me the chance to start something special and he never once balked when I didn’t have any ‘proof’ that I could be successful. He has always believed in me - and for that, I am endlessly appreciative.
This morning we were on a walk together, and I asked him, “If you could write a letter of appreciation to one person in your life, who would it be?” He laughed a little bit and said, “Well, I really only know you… so I’d probably write it to you.” He’s definitely kidding about the only knowing me part… but I asked myself the exact same question about appreciation - and he was, without a shadow of a doubt, the first person that came to mind. And yet - how often do I go through the motions of each day … completely on autopilot… missing the opportunity to truly savor and appreciate the people and experiences that have made a difference? It’s a question that is sometimes sobering to ask ourselves: Are there ways that we can intentionally appreciate more?
Ok… I digressed there a little bit… so let me get back to my original story. When Aaron was still working for the railroad, a Division Safety Manager made a ‘letter of appreciation requirement’ for all Trainmasters and told them that they needed to write thank you letters to the people that worked for them. Now, I’m all for appreciation - but the thing about appreciation is that it needs to be genuine. If your boss is forcing you to do it… it’s not going to be coming from a heartfelt place and won’t be rooted in the true essence of actually taking the time to appreciate the beingness of another person. If you’re just doing it because your boss says you need to do it - it isn’t necessarily coming from the heart. Appreciation should never be done just to check a box.
Aaron wasn’t sure what to write to his employees - so we decided to have a little bit of fun with it - because he agreed with me that, at the very minimum, making people laugh would give them the sense that they were appreciated because the employees would see right through a ‘fake’ appreciation letter anyway. Me, being me, I drafted a letter that Aaron could send to his employees. Here it is in all of its glory (feel free to use for your own purposes as well):
He filled out the form letter, and handed it to a few of his best employees - who thought it was absolutely hilarious. And then he took the time to ACTUALLY appreciate them in a meaningful way. The employees felt good because he cared about them… and he felt good because he was able to appreciate them in a way that wasn’t forced. Ultimately, the Department of Disingenuous Appreciation turned into some of the most meaningful appreciation that those employees had ever received - but it was only meaningful because it was coming from a place of truly seeing those employees and the contributions that they were making.
30 Days of Stamps
When I started my 6 tiny things, I realized that appreciation was a very important habit that I needed to include in every single day of my life. Why? Well… remember the satellite beacon?
The more that you appreciate… the more that you invite more things to appreciate into your life. Simply put: you become a magnet for appreciation in every area of your life.
Right after I quit my job, it was pretty easy to get into a ‘fear based’ mindset: I felt guilty about quitting with no solid plan… I felt guilty every time my husband went to work and I went hiking (my own guilt - not imposed by him)… I felt like a failure because there was no proof that I could be successful of anything… needless to say - these were feelings that were not attracting anything good into my life. I knew that I was not helping myself by following those rabbit holes - and I knew that the most important thing was for me to get out of my head and into my heart.
I went to USPS and I bought 30 stamps. I told myself, “Self, you are going to write 30 letters over the next 30 days to people who have made a difference in your life.” And guess what? I did it. I wrote out a list of 30 people that I appreciated and I committed to spending time every single day to write them hand-written letters (and some e-mails) of appreciation. The first letter that I wrote was to my orchestra conductor in college:
Brian - It's been a long time since I wrote to you - this is Stacy Ruland (formerly - everybody calls me Anastasia now, and I'm married - ha!!) from F&M. I'm still out here in the Seattle Area - no longer a park ranger ... I spent 5 years as a police officer before I just recently quit my job to become a full time "adventurepreneur". Today I climbed a mountain with my violin and played the Ashokan Farewell with my friend Rose at sunrise. I think of you and F&M often. I was hiking today down the trail and I was telling my pianist Rose about my last two years at F&M and having the opportunity to play the Beethoven Symphonies - and how the last concert of my senior year was Beethoven's 9th, and what an absolutely life-changing experience that was for me - so much so, that I still can barely listen to the last movement of that symphony without nearly collapsing in tears. Last night I also played "Dance of the Blessed Spirits" and I was telling my husband about playing that piece from the balcony in the Spectrum Concert. I just wanted to let you know that, even years later - heck - this is now nearly 15 years after I graduated college - your impact as a professor and a conductor still plays a major role in my life, and ABSOLUTELY, without question, the happiest, most fulfilling memories of my entire college career were spent in the orchestra. I just wanted to truly thank you from the bottom of my heart!
And another one that I wrote to a Paleontology Professor who taught classes to me while I was a homeschooler in high school in 1997:
Hi Dr. Gallagher, My name is Anastasia Allison... and way back in 1997, I was one of your students at the Philadelphia Museum of Natural Sciences. I took your 'Vertebrae Paleontology' and 'Paleobiology' classes there when I was in 11th grade. Recently, my mom was going through some of my homeschooling memorabilia, and she came across this assignment that I had turned in (see attached).
A lot has changed since 1997 (I'm married now... and also using my real name and not a nickname, being the least of those changes - ha!), but when my mom shared these assignments with me, it gave me such a profoundly sentimental feeling of gratitude. I know that very often we move through our lives, not realizing the impact that even the smallest interaction can have on somebody else. Your paleontology classes stood out like a shining beacon for me, during a time in my life when I very much was grasping for more of an understanding of life and who I was. I still remember going on a field trip with you to dig for fossils at a quarry (I think it was a quarry?). Those trips and your classes were always the highlight of my week as a young, sometimes very lost, adolescent. Your assignments allowed me to tap into a creative part of myself - while simultaneously gaining a new understanding for the incredible gift and complexity of life (past and present) on our planet. I am just so truly grateful for all of the time that you put into that class and I want you to know that even over two decades later, the impact of your teaching is something that I remember fondly and something that did absolutely impact my own life in a wonderfully positive way. After floundering around for a few years after college and ditching the pre-med thing, I ended up becoming a Park Ranger here in WA. I was laid off, and then worked as a railroad police officer for almost 5.5 years, before a near death experience became the catalyst for me to really pursue the things in my life I was the most passionate about. I now play my violin on the summit of mountains with a duo called The Musical Mountaineers and I started a gear company called Kula Cloth. I basically get to hike and explore for a living - it's like I've reverted back to childhood - ha! I still have a deep love for paleontology, and one day soon I hope to release a Kula with a paleontology theme (you'll laugh when you google my company). At any rate, this is just a letter of appreciation for you and for what you do now and for what you did for me when I was a kid. Thank you so much for sharing your passion, knowledge and enthusiasm with the world. It truly made a big difference in my life, and I know it has in others as well. Cordially, Anastasia Allison
These are the actual, verbatim letters that I wrote to these amazing humans in my life. I don’t share them to tout my letter writing skills - I share them in the hopes that they will also generate a feeling of appreciation in you too… or, at the very least, help you to think about the incredible humans out there who have contributed to your life in a meaningful way. It’s so easy to miss out on the opportunity to truly appreciate another person - but what I’ve found is that when you start to appreciate as much as possible… you continue to see more and more things to appreciate. In fact, the kindness and goodness of humans becomes almost overwhelming at times, because you start to move past the idea that another human is simply a, ‘means to an end’ - and you begin to see something deeper.
As I started to practice genuine appreciation in my own life, I noticed how quickly things started to change for me. Suddenly, the customer service phone calls that used to frustrate me were turning into meaningful experiences where I felt truly connected to a ‘random stranger’ on the other end of the line. At one point, during a frustrating situation trying to locate a package that got stuck in customs, I ended up having a shockingly deep conversation about the meaning of life with a FedEx customer service representative - we both ended up crying on the phone… as this human started telling me about his dreams and his struggles… and I shared the same about my life. Appreciation of one person had broken down a wall and allowed something more to be revealed that day. Appreciation allows the truth to be revealed - it tears down the barriers that separate us and it says loudly, “I see you and you matter. We are connected. You are important. You are loved.”
When I started the practice of appreciation, I initially believed that appreciation was a gift to the person that I was appreciating. I quickly realized and learned that appreciation was also a gift to me. Appreciating another human being is the greatest gift that you can give yourself. It is a powerful force and the effects of including it in every single day of your life are too many to count - I can’t speak about what specific effect it might have, I only know that if you try it - you will notice that things will start to change for you.
How do you start? First off, appreciation must feel genuine for you - which means that you have to do it in a way that feels genuine. For some people, this might be writing a letter. For other people, this could be painting a picture or sending an e-mail… writing a heartfelt text message… or calling somebody on the phone. The delivery mechanism isn’t important - what is important is the feeling behind the delivery. When you are appreciating another human you will feel something. When I wrote the letters that I shared above, I had tears streaming down my face as I thought about the impact that these people had on my life. You don’t have to cry (I’m self-admittedly a crier - ha!)… but you should dig deep and really ask yourself what it means that this person is in your life. You don’t have to force the appreciation. As you open your heart to their kindness - the appreciation will flow.
The magic of appreciation: a true story
When I first started Kula Cloth, I had no clue what I was doing (I still don’t most days… but I’m getting a lot better at not knowing what to do). In particular, I had absolutely zero experience in the textile industry and I had no specific knowledge of fabric manufacturing and/or fabric printing. While I think that not knowing anything was one of my greatest assets - it did make communication around my fabric orders a particularly difficult subject, and the owner of the fabric mill that makes the Kula fabric was often frustrated at my lack of knowledge, because it would commonly result in mis-printed fabric.
As time went on, I developed a lot of anxiety about dealing with this particular person - and my heart would sink every time he would call me because I knew that I had probably screwed up. I think that a part of me was also being slightly triggered by some attachment wounds that I had as a child - my little inner child was working so hard to make her father proud, but simply couldn’t do it. I knew that this pattern was a part of my life - but even with significant awareness, I still had a difficult time communicating with this man. I always left our conversations feeling stupid and like an imposter.
Somewhere along the way, I decided that I had spent a lot of time focusing on what I didn’t like about him… and I realized that I wasn’t appreciating him at all. I made a commitment to myself: I’m going to stop complaining about him, and use 100% of my energy to appreciate everything about him.
At first, nothing changed - he still seemed frustrated and somewhat ‘snippy’ with me - but I did my best to focus on the things about him that I appreciated: the fact that he was giving me a chance before my company was even large enough to purchase ‘normal’ amounts of fabric… the fact that he was absolutely brilliant and had helped me design the perfect fabric for Kula Cloth… plus, I knew that most of his frustration was based on the fact that he cared a lot about what he was doing and wanted to do a good job.
Then… one day… things started to change. There were small changes at first, but they were there: an unexpected word of encouragement, an unprompted thank you… a congratulations on my growing business. I remember receiving these e-mails and thinking to myself, “IS THIS EVEN THE SAME PERSON?”. And then, completely out of the blue - everything changed. The man that I had struggled to communicate with suddenly passed his customer service related duties onto somebody else… and this ‘somebody else’ was the most kind, genuine, wonderful human that I had ever dealt with. In fact, over the past 5 years - we’ve become good friends and he even sends me photos of his kids.
Now, you could easily pass this all off as a coincidence - but I’d like to think that there is a tiny bit more going on than just a ‘mere’ coincidence. When you change your energy internally - your external world changes to reflect the internal change. This sounds completely ridiculous and wild - and I am not going to offer quantum physics based explanations for how this happens - all I will say is that you have to approach it with an open mind and see it for yourself. If you don’t believe it’s possible - I guarantee you that it isn’t. But if you can hold a tiny glimmer of hope in your heart that changing your internal state of being does impact your external state of being - then I think you will be utterly surprised and delighted by the changes in your life.
About 3 weeks ago, I received an unexpected e-mail… again, completely unprompted and out of the blue. It was from the man at the textile mill that I had struggled to communicate with in the early days of Kula. It simply said:
In deep, genuine appreciation, I returned his e-mail:
I almost got teary-eyed receiving your message. It is so wonderful to hear from you. I hope you are doing great - and congratulations on being a grandfather! I've seen videos and photos - and you must be really proud. I want you to know that working with you and your family has been one of the absolute HIGHLIGHTS of my Kula experience. It's hard to believe it's been almost 5 years since I started Kula. Things have changed a lot from the days when you let me order 50 yards of fabric at a time. I'm so grateful for you and for your belief in me from the beginning - even when I had absolutely no clue what I was doing. Thank you for your patience and kindness with me - Kula *would not* exist today if it hadn't been for you. My gratitude for you is endless. Kula has brought so much joy into my life and it's hard to believe it all started with one little idea. So - THANK YOU. I will give you a call sometime soon - it would be great to say hello. Cordially, Anastasia
Friends, appreciation is a magical experience - and the more you appreciate… the more you will have to appreciate. It’s so easy to think that in order to change our lives and create the things that we want to create that we have to go out and change all of these things outside of us. From a ‘logical perspective’ it makes sense, right? “I’ll just change everything that I don’t like - and then everything will be better!!” But, friends - the outside world is a reflection of what is going on inside of you. Which means that even if you change things externally… if you haven’t changed the energy within your heart… any changes will only be a temporary balm before the old, unchanged pattern repeats itself again… and again… and again.
As you begin to incorporate the habit of appreciation into your life, I think that you will find that it becomes one of the most important parts of your day. Not one day goes by when I don’t intentionally sit down and try to appreciate someone or something. This week, in no particular order, these are a few things that I did to cultivate a deep feeling of appreciation:
This morning I told my husband how much I appreciated him. I told him that when I was younger I saw couples that had been married for a long time… and I heard some of them talk about how they fell more and more in love with each other over time. I told him that I never understood how that was possible - but that he has taught me what it is like to love somebody more and more every single day. I also told him that when I first started Kula Cloth, he has supported every single idea that I’ve always had. He has always been on my side 100% of the time and I know that I can count on him no matter what.
I received a phone call from one of our wholesale retailers - a store called Nomad Ventures, based in CA. The employee was calling me to make a payment on an invoice, but as I was talking to them on the phone I realized that they were one of our first wholesale customers ever. I took the time to tell this employee how much it meant to us that they had been our customer for so long and that it means so much that they’ve supported us since the very early days of Kula Cloth.
A customer wrote a note in their order about how excited they are about getting their Kula Cloth, so I wrote them a note back and included an extra gift for them and told them how much I appreciated their order and support.
Let me also add: I am not a saint. I am far from sainthood. There are days when I get frustrated with people and when I get stressed and overwhelmed - and I would never suppress those feelings and pretend to be ‘OK’, if I’m not. That being said - I can acknowledge my difficult feelings at times, and still find things to appreciate - even if they are very, tiny small things. Remember: appreciation is a gift for you.
A final note of true appreciation.
My final word of appreciation today is for you. When I started this Substack about 2 months ago - I didn’t really know what to expect. About 3 months ago, I realized that I was feeling some ‘stagnant’ energy in my life - and I was able to pinpoint that stagnancy on my unhealthy addiction to social media. I went ‘cold turkey’ on social media (I still use it - I just am not addicted to it anymore… and I have a very strict self-boundary around not using social media on the weekends). Suddenly, it was like a huge piece of my creative brain was unlocked again - It felt like time slowed down and I had a renewed sense of purpose and a deep desire to do something meaningful. It was during that time that I felt called to start this writing project. I have a relatively full schedule - so I was intimidated by the idea of writing every week, but something in my heart told me that this was important to do. I have loved every second of it.
I’m not going to sugarcoat this: Kula Cloth has a mailing list of over 108,000 people - which is a lot for a ‘small’ brand. Most business owners will tell you that their mailing list is one of their most valuable assets… and I could have easily migrated that entire mailing list over to Substack to ‘boost’ my subscriber count - but I decided that I didn’t want to do that. As intimidating as it is to start something new - I wanted to build The Kula Diaries from the ground up - in a way that felt organic and intentional. Namely - I want to write for people who really want to be here. I want to write for people who are excited about creating good things in life and I want to share the things that I’m really passionate about. If you’re reading this post right now - that includes you.
Over the past few months, I’ve probably written around 48,000 words for this Substack and I’ve recorded hours and hours of audio… and hosted 6 live events (2 dance parties, 2 Power Hours and 2 Book clubs) - which is maybe ridiculous by some people’s standards - but it has been nothing short of energizing and fun for me. I want to deeply appreciate all of you for being here - because I know that you chose to be here. I didn’t ‘put’ you here by importing you on an excel spreadsheet. You are actual humans who took time out of your day to hit the ‘subscribe’ button - because you wanted to read the things that I have to say. Your commitment to being here is reflected by my commitment to showing up every single week and writing things that will hopefully make a difference in your life.
I write The Kula Diaries not out of a sense of obligation and not because I want to covertly market my own product… I write it out of a sense of deep appreciation for you. Your belief in me has given me the greatest gift I’ve ever had: the chance to watch a dream come to life and the chance to support others in the process. Kula has impacted hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of lives - and you are the reason for that. Out of deepest gratitude for you, I hope that the gift of my words can be a reminder of the infinite beauty, brilliance and goodness that lives within your heart. I hope that you know how much you truly matter.
If it feels good to you, I encourage each of you to try out the ‘30 Stamp Project’ starting today. You don’t have to write ‘snail mail’ letters if you don’t want to… but you certainly can. And, if you feel so inclined, you can even write me a letter - and I’ll return the favor with an equal letter of appreciation back to you:
Over the past couple of months we’ve explored a few ‘tiny’ things: meditation, gratitude, having a morning routine and appreciation. These are ‘tiny’ - but they also aren’t tiny - because the difference that they will make in your life is undeniable and unfathomable. I hope that you are starting to feel and notice the changes - and I hope that you are starting to see tiny glimmers of goodness arising in surprising and delightful ways. The better it gets — the better it gets.
Sending you all so much love this week, and always.
Love,
Anastasia
P.S. If you’d like to submit a question or comment anonymously for my AMA with AMA - you can send it using this form right here.
P.S.S. I’ll end with a poem. I hope you love it!
What is this you see But a mirror of you In each breath of the wind And each golden hue Once I was lost But I want to be found I once heard in a song With a familiar sound A chord that can be heard In the absence of fear A chord that is heard In your heart, not your ears Listen you’ll hear it In the spaces between And the stillness will awaken You up from your dream The place that you are Is in no distant land It’s not someplace better Than where you now stand These words may ring true For some but not all But each will discover A path they can call Their very own trail Leading out of the night Only to discover Their own inner light.