The feeling of abundance you forgot about
Remembering it... one tiny step at a time (part 2).
Dear Kula Diaries,
I’m going to start off today’s post with something that makes me feel very abundant — and hopefully it will give you a little feeling of abundance too. Many years ago I attended a concert at Benaroya Hall in Seattle to watch Joshua Bell perform Vivaldi’s Four Seasons. As I watched him play, I was swept away from the reality of my own journey as a violinist … and into the imagination of a girl who wondered what it would be like to perform on that stage. I still remember closing my eyes and just imagining the sensation of walking out onto the stage… hearing the applause… feeling the warmth of the spotlight… and then standing in that beautiful moment of silence that exists before the music begins. On that day, I wondered what it might be like… and then, I immediately informed myself that I was not good enough to be one of those violinists. I was not the type of musician who got to perform on stage at Benaroya Hall. I chalked up my dream to a fantastical whim … and went about my life for the next decade.
As I shared last week, I started my own journey into abundance by practicing meditation every single day. I didn’t need to know how anything was possible or what was going to change or happen — but I believed that it would. From that space of stillness… ideas and inspiration and hope began to blossom. Those ideas and that love ultimately led to the birth of both The Musical Mountaineers and Kula Cloth. A few years ago, Rose and I were en route to perform our music on a boat in the North Cascades… and we received a call from the Washington National Parks Fund… “Do you want to perform on stage at Benaroya Hall to benefit National Parks?”. The perfection of the moment was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced — it was the realization of a dream that, at one point in my life, I would have laughed at the ‘impossibility’ of it. It was a deep sensation of love, acceptance and the truest abundance that the universe could ever show me. It was also a chance for me to share that abundance and love, most importantly, with others.
The Musical Mountaineers have performed on stage at Benaroya Hall two times now… and I’m very pleased to share that we will be there again on April 26th in Seattle, Washington to benefit the Washington Trails Association. Our friend Mitch Pittman filmed one of our summit serenades last September on a spectacular peak in the Cascades and we are so unbelievably thrilled and excited to be able to share this amazing film and our music with all of you. It will truly be a night of love, nature and abundance. I’m going to share a tiny clip of the video with all of you now — and if you are able to come to the concert, please be sure to say hello afterwards. The most fun part of the evening is being able to say hello to everybody who is there to celebrate all of life.
The story you tell matters
Last week, I talked about meditation as a starting place… but meditation is only one piece of the puzzle. Meditation is the ‘gym’ for your brain… a place where you can train yourself to come back to the present moment, over and over again, when you find yourself distracted by those pesky thoughts that seem to keep repeating themselves ad nauseum. If you are new to this ‘abundance stuff’ … meditation is the perfect place to start because it gently eases you into a new energy without simultaneously getting you tangled up in the ‘lack’ of where you are.
Here’s the thing about abundance: most of us spend most of our time focusing on what we don’t have. We want more money, and we spend most of our time noticing the lack of it. We want our dream job, and we spend our time complaining about the job we do have. We want a better house, and we spend most of our time hating where we currently live and complaining about how bad the traffic is. Now, I’m not going to say that any of those things aren’t true….because, they might actually be true. But, the big question that I have for you is this: Do you want to create more of what you don’t like about those things? Or do you want to create more of what you want?
My guess is that you probably want to create more of what you want. And the great news is that it’s easy to do — it just requires a bit of noticing and a bit of refocusing. Afterall — it isn’t your fault that you’ve spent so much time focused on where you aren’t… because we have ALL done it. We’ve all be TRAINED by very well-meaning folks that focusing on the stuff we don’t want is going to somehow ‘fix’ it… when, in all actuality, it actually creates more of what we don’t want.
I used to be REALLY good at creating what I didn’t want. I complained about almost everything. If it was complain-about-able, I had something to say about it. My job schedule? It sucked. My boss? He was a jerk. Money? I never had enough and felt panicked about it. Other people who annoyed me? I talked about them ad nauseum. All of the horrible things in the world? I might as well have been wearing a shirt that said, ‘THIS SUCKS and we’re all going to die.’ Seriously, I was a complete mess — and it all came to a head in a near death experience that showed me with absolute clarity that I had been focusing on the wrong things for my entire life. I had never taken the time to feel the goodness of my heart. I had never taken the time to feel the aliveness of my soul. I had never taken the time to look around me and see the infinite abundance that stretched into the vastness of every single nook and cranny of the universe. And when I saw it for the first time? I was overwhelmed…. “It’s so beautiful”, I exclaimed, “How could I have possibly missed all of this when it was right in front of me?”.
The things that you focus on and the story that you tell yourself matters. The beliefs that you think over and over again matter. You are a living breathing magnet and at each and every moment of every day your focus and your energy are attracting things into your life experience that match the feelings that you are feeling. Which means that if you feel doubtful… fearful… stressed… and worried… guess what? You’re going to continue to find a lot of that stuff. BUT — this is also great news, because it means that if we can gently begin the process of shifting in the direction of abundance… we can start the process of creating something new.
As I mentioned in last week’s post, the easiest way to start this process is with meditation because meditation is something that everybody can do from exactly where they are right now. Even if you are in absolute turmoil, you can meditate for 10 minutes per day. This seemingly insignificant shift in your energy will have effects almost immediately — first, in how you feel… and gradually, in the way you think. The thoughts that are on repeat in your life will transition from being a deafening roar to more of a dull hum… and, eventually, they will loosen their grasp on you. Don’t underestimate the power of sitting quietly every day. In case you missed it last week, I’ve assembled 7 days worth of meditations for you to get started with — the most important thing you can do is to be consistent with this practice. Above all things, make your energy the biggest priority in your entire day. As a business owner, I will tell you that the 100% number one priority for me in any single day of my life is this: tending to how I feel. My point of attraction is the most important thing that I am responsible for on any given day. If I am acting from a place of fear or lack — I’m not helping anything. If I can meditate and dance and walk and move myself into a place of appreciation and abundance… then I know that I’ll be inspired to ideas and opportunities that bring more of the same to my life and my business and to everybody that I interact with.
Taking a few more steps
Moving from scarcity to abundance is a gentle path… not a treacherous slope. If you are just getting started… be consistent with your meditations at first and be open to seeing what happens — with no expectations whatsoever. Make your primary intention simply an intention to feel good and to enjoy this moment in your life. You are not doing meditations in order to ‘get stuff’ — you are doing them to adjust your energy and to feel good and to connect more deeply with yourself. Once you are consistent with your meditations… you should begin to notice a slight shift in how you feel — this might come in a tiny (or huge) wave of gratitude or appreciation… or a sudden feeling of love. I’m not sure how it will happen for you — but at some point, you will feel a deep sense of connectedness to all things. This nearly-impossible-to-articulate feeling is the feeling of abundance.
As you think about your own life — you already know what you want to create. I’m not entirely sure what that is exactly for you… but chances are, you have dreams and desires and you don’t necessarily know ‘how’ to get there … or you’ve told yourself that it isn’t realistic or possible. Part of living in a place of abundance is being open to the possibilities of life … and letting go of the things that we’ve told ourselves for most of our life. When I finally let go of these limiting thoughts and ideas… guess what? Kula Cloth was born. I’m not sure what will happen to you — but I do know that as you allow yourself to feel the abundance of life… you will be tuned to ideas, inspiration, creativity and opportunities that are simply not available to you from a place of telling yourself that something isn’t realistic or possible.
I also want you all to know that we are all walking our own path of creation and abundance — and I am no different than you. I have not reached some ‘ultimate pinnacle’ of enlightenment realization where I’ve got it all figured out.. and the things that I’m writing about here are practices that I am actively incorporating into my own life. I share my own story, because (hopefully) it can serve as an example to inspire you as you create your own unique path.
Your next task - the practice of savoring
Remember… this is a gradual slope with a gentle elevation gain — you don’t need an ice axe or crampons to ascend from scarcity to abundance. As you practice your daily meditations… the next step is to begin to intentionally notice and appreciate exactly where you are. This sounds simple and benign, but trust me — very rarely do most of us ever slow down enough to offer appreciation for the very existence of our own life on this planet. The practice of appreciation is so powerful, because it changes our focus and trains our minds and hearts to look at the things that we do want … rather than spending most of our time focusing on the things that we don’t want.
If you are finding yourself in a place of lack or scarcity right now — believe me, I’ve been there. My day-to-day routine was very much on auto-pilot… I existed in a trance… going from one thing to the next without ever stopping to appreciate one thing. I ate food… I lived in a house… I wore clothing… I went on trips… I did things for fun… I went through ‘the motions’ of life… and while I noticed things that I liked… I don’t think that I ever actually took the time to truly savor them. What did this look like for me before I made this shift? Well, I’d probably wake up in the morning and drive to the gym while mulling over whatever had stressed me out the day before… replaying conversations or scenarios in my head. I continued replaying these stories in my mind… or through complaining to others about my plight while I was moving through the rest of my day… either at work or in any interaction that I had with my husband or friends. Meanwhile — I’d be doing my normal chores or tasks — feeding my cats, making my lunch or dinner…. and, at the end of the day, getting into bed. Not once during the day did I ever stop to offer any appreciation for anything in my life — everything was always just a means to an end… each moment was just a way for me to get closer to ‘the mysterious moment’ in the future when I could finally relax and have things to be happy about.
Did I know that I was living my life like this? Absolutely not. Did I intend not to offer appreciation? Did I want to attract the things that I didn’t want into my life? Of course not! I had no idea that I was doing it — because I was so lost in my mind that I couldn’t separate myself from the thoughts of who I was. Meditation is what made that shift for me — and as I started to meditate, I started to notice a lot of the things that I had taken for granted: namely, almost everything.
And so, your task this week — should you choose to accept it (and I hope you do) — is to intentionally look for things to appreciate. I want you to become a beacon of appreciation and then watch how you feel and what happens and shifts in your life as you begin to notice those things. Remember — when you activate the feeling of appreciation… you will discover more and more things to be appreciative about and more appreciative thoughts will flow easily into your mind. It is incredible how appreciative that you can feel when you really start to notice how miraculous this life truly is. A few days ago, I was wandering around my house marveling at everything that I have — and I was stunned to look at the door knobs on the doors in my home… I had never noticed how beautiful they were, and I had never even considered feeling appreciation for a door knob. Now — just to clarify, I don’t use drugs… so this wasn’t some false endorphin high — this was genuine appreciation. I walked out of our bedroom and I said to my husband, “Have you ever noticed how beautiful the door knobs in this house are?”. He laughed at me… and I laughed back… but he knew that I was serious. I thought of all of the humans that might have played a part in the design of those door knobs and wondered how many people had to come together so that they could exist for me to use in my home. When you think about it — even the ‘smallest’ thing is really quite remarkable!
What should this ‘savoring’ practice look like? Well, in the interest of being absolutely authentic to who you are … you will need to determine a way that works best for you. For me personally, I need to speak things out loud to work myself into a deep lather of appreciation. My husband is completely different, and he prefers to close his eyes and feel the sensation of riding his motorcycle to start his savoring practice. The biggest thing I want to tell you is that this is an intentional practice, and that if you don’t actually commit to doing it… you will likely forget to do it. Pick a time of day — perhaps right after your meditation — when it works best for you and experiment with different ways that you can appreciate things. Try writing things down… or closing your eyes and envisioning people that you love… or speaking out loud… it doesn’t matter how you do it… it just matters that you are intentionally cultivating this feeling. Remember, when you radiate this feeling… you are gaining a little bit more elevation on your gentle climb. Fearful and worrisome thoughts will loosen their grasp as you look around you and find so many things to appreciate.
In addition to appreciating physical things… it’s also important to appreciate the moments of our life. So often we do things because we want to feel a certain way… but very often we are so lost during the ‘doing’ of that thing that we forget to experience the ‘being’ that exists in the action. As you are going for a walk — can you really slow down and let yourself feel the feeling of relaxation? Can you focus on your breathing and let go of that thing you’ve been worrying about for a moment? Can you lie down on the ground and feel the earth holding you? Can you eat your next meal and really savor every single bite? My husband and I have another practice that we call The closed eye strawberry. I make yogurt and berries every single night for desert and if I’m cutting up fresh strawberries, I will always set one strawberry aside… cut it in half… and share it with my husband. Our practice is simple: we close our eyes and then eat the half of the strawberry. The taste explosion from really being present while eating is remarkable: the texture and the flavor of the strawberry seem to come to life in the most magical way and I notice nuances about the flavor that I didn’t even know were there. This past week, I started eating my breakfast sandwich with my eyes closed … if you’ve never savored a sourdough bacon egg & cheese sandwich before… make it your next meditation. It will feel like you’re learning how to eat and to taste all over again.
What does eating a strawberry or a sandwich with your eyes closed have to do with abundance? How can you live more abundantly and prosperous by lying on the ground for no reason at all? Well, the answer is simple: when you are doing these things… when you are in the moment and truly present… you are tuning yourself to the frequency of abundance… life… and everything. As you focus your attention on things that you can appreciate… you will attract more things to appreciate into your life.
I used to think that the path to creating the things that I wanted in my life was paved with hard work and struggle and effort. I thought that working a 12 hour day was a badge of courage… and I felt stressed out and miserable… and do you know what? I never experienced the feeling of abundance and prosperity that I was looking for — and even if money did start to arrive, I immediately worried that I’d lose it… or that it wasn’t enough. As it turned out, abundance had nothing to do with money at all — and everything to do with the love that I noticed in every single moment of every single day. It’s ironic that the moment that you don’t need anything outside of yourself… it all starts to show up. And it’s also remarkable that when you tune yourself to the frequency of abundance, you begin to see and notice it everywhere.
I have a true confession for all of you: I have not always taken the time to savor the feeling of where I am. Before I started Kula Cloth, I remember thinking that I’d be happy once I had a gear company. Well, guess what? I started a gear company… and I never even slowed down enough to let myself feel anything about it… other than needing it to be ‘better’ than it was. Nothing was ever good enough for me — and it took me years to realize that my never-ending quest for ‘something else’ was truly never-ending… because I was unintentionally pushing away happiness by not taking the time to savor where I was. It’s OK to want to create things — in fact it’s really fun and exciting to create things — but all of creation happens in this moment. It doesn’t happen in the future. It happens by finding the feeling right now — and in the realization that the feeling is what you want to begin with — and that the ‘thing’ is just a happy bonus that will arrive on the heels of the feeling (not the other way around).
I’ve been trying to slow down lately. I told you all a few weeks ago that I had stopped trying hard — and I meant it. I’ve been lying down on the ground a lot and looking at the stars. The other day, my husband and I went on a motorcycle ride… and we stopped at Camano Island State Park (one of our favorite spots) and I laid down on the beach… and just laid there. I soaked in the feeling of ease and relief and relaxation… and I just became the best version of a blob that I could muster. It felt so good. I felt free. I felt like there was nothing that I needed to do… except for simply feel these feelings and enjoy them. It’s funny when you slow down — because you just start to notice things that you didn’t see before.
I started this writing post by sharing a story about music… and I’m going to end it in the same way. This morning, I went on a walk and it was misty outside and I stood on a ledge in the dark and I listened to a recording of the song that I will play on stage at Benaroya Hall in a few weeks. I closed my eyes and I held my arms up — as if I were holding my violin — and I played the ‘air violin’ for nobody. The infiniteness of the cosmos seemed to swirl around me in that moment, and it really felt as if nothing could possibly feel better than simply being right there — alone in the mist, playing an invisible violin to the entire universe. I didn’t need the fancy concert hall or the gown to feel the love I wanted — because I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that it was within me.
I walked back to my house and I was greeted by my cats, whom I showered with love and affection. I went on a walk with my husband and we laughed and talked as we walked — and I realized that only a few years ago, he would have been sitting far away from me in an office. I took a shower in warm water and dressed myself in clothing that made my body feel good. Then, I went to my kitchen and opened a fridge that was filled with food — delicious food that nourishes my body abundantly and endlessly. I closed my eyes as I ate my breakfast sandwich and savored the saltiness and crunchiness and buttery-ness — it was the best sandwich I had ever eaten in my life (and I’ll probably say that about the one tomorrow morning too). I sat in my house and looked around me at the life that I’ve created with my husband, and I felt a profound sense of appreciation for all of the absolute endless abundance that life has given me: Nothing is lacking in this moment. There is nothing I need to become. There is an infinite amount of love and goodness that is available to me… and I also have the ability to create more of that love for myself and others.
I did not always live in a place of abundance — but I am choosing to live in a new way. I am choosing to let go of the things that I have told myself for a long time — and I am open to the infinite possibilities of life. I am open to the ways in which abundance can flow to me — easily and endlessly. I see and notice the abundance that exists in my breath… in my heartbeat… in the love that I feel pouring out of me for the world around me and for the humans who are a part of my life. I know that I am woven from that love… and I know that you are too. As I feel this powerful feeling, I know I will attract more of it — and I know I will create more of it. I will live generously and appreciatively and I will cherish each precious moment of life. This, above all things, is our gift to each other.
Friends, I am sending you all so much love today — and thank you for joining me on this abundance journey! It’s been so refreshing for me to re-visit this process on my own and re-invigorate my own personal abundance practice. I hope you are starting to feel hopeful and inspired by your own experience too — even if it is just a tiny little glimmer of hope that wasn’t there before… all it takes is the smallest ember.
Be well, friends — I wish you ease and peace and joy this week and I am sending you all so much love.
So I’ve been wanting to write in the comments since you started writing about abundance, but I got really busy and haven’t had a chance until now. And now there’s so much I want to write and respond to that I don’t know where to begin. But I guess I’ll just start with an observation about visualization.
I have aphantasia and cannot visualize anything. So all the self-help instructions that ask you to visualize something go right over my head. Nope, nada, doesn’t work. It’s like asking a blind person to describe the landscape in front of them. But I did feel a connection with a smiley face in your list of things to try to “materialize” in life, if that’s an accurate way to say that? But I also felt uneasy, not with a small experiment like that, but with the whole “think positive and positive things will come to you” thing, but I couldn’t say why exactly. Until a few days ago, when it came to me in a flash of understanding. Choosing something to pursue, and pursuing something are two entirely different things. What concerned me about bringing positive energy into a pursuit of something, was not if it will work, but should it be pursued?
Michael Singer says if you ask people want they want, they will give you a whole long list of things. Love, money, a better car, a bigger house, a fulfilling job, etc. But he says that’s really not what they want. What everyone really wants is to be ok up here, he says, tapping his head. We want peace, and joy and happiness, and think these outward things we pursue will give us that. But they don’t, not for long, anyway. So to pursue love, money, material things, etc. whether through the physical or the mental realm, while not bad in and of itself, will not give us what we are really looking for. That’s what made me uneasy with the pursuit you were describing to bring positive things into our lives. I think it’s important to differentiate between what we do, and why we do it.
I’m not sure if I’m making any sense and explaining myself clearly so let me try to distill this. It’s what you’ve been saying over and over in your posts, in different ways and at different times, that nothing outside of ourselves will bring us happiness. It’s all within, and no one and no-thing can give us what we really want and long for. I think I’m probably getting hung up in semantics because I don’t think you’ve been describing a get-rich-quick scheme in talking about “abundance”. But words are slippery sometimes and it’s easy to misconstrue things if we aren’t careful. What you wrote in this post seemed much clearer to me, when you were talking about appreciation and gratitude and thankfulness, that these are the inner states of mind that will lead us where we really want to go, and make us who we really want to be.
So back to the smiley face. The first one I’ve seen, or at least noticed, since your challenge was the one on your t-shirt in this post. I guess that counts as one, right? But with my mental “blindness” I may not have the powers to make things “materialize” like someone who can vividly imagine things in their mind. Or maybe I just didn’t try hard enough since it’s so difficult for me. I’ll keep looking though and see what happens.
Thanks so much for all these posts, I really enjoy reading them and learning from them, and you. What a journey we are all on, eh? Please keep them coming as long as you are able!
I loved listening to this post (twice!) on my walk with my dog this afternoon. I looked around at all the spring blossoms and picked up a fallen rhododendron petal to hold in my hand as I thought about the things I was grateful for. Thank you again for all your help and inspiration on this path to abundance 💕