Scree-ming through life
*why all the steps matter
Dear Kula Diaries,
Today is a little bit of a departure from anything that I usually do on Wednesdays. NEXT WEEK, I will reveal the Backcounty Toilet Trail Register (so, please submit your signature to the register by the end of today or tomorrow if you want to be considered!) — but this week, I decided that I needed a little boost of energy and motivation — kind of a pep talk. Over the past few weeks, I’ve felt a bit demoralized (if I’m being honest) — and writing is one of the ways that I can really cultivate some good feelings and refocus my attention on the things that I want to continue to create. It is so easy to go down an unhelpful rabbit hole — so, if you find yourself doing that sometimes — please know, you are not alone.
I’m going to start by sharing one thing that I’m really excited about right now. My husband and I have a joke about me being an excitable person, because I am very enthusiastic about almost everything. He, on the other hand, has a hard time showing or displaying visible or audible excitement. I will say things like, “I’m SO EXCITED TO DO THIS REALLY FUN AND AMAZING THING”, and he’ll respond back with, “Yah, I’m really looking forward to it.”
“Aren’t you EXCITED ABOUT IT?”, I’ll inquire.
“It’s going to be really great,” he’ll respond.
“BEEEEE EXCITED ABOUT IT!!!!”, I sometimes say back — although I know that showing jumping-out-of-a-chair excitement is just not his way. But for me? Well, I can’t help it. I’m just enthusiastic about almost everything.
One thing that I am disproportionally excited about:
A few weeks ago, I had an idea to start using SMS Marketing for Kula Cloth… except in a very different way than most companies. If you’re unfamiliar with SMS Marketing — this is the type of text message that you receive from a company when they are trying to tell you about their latest and greatest sale… to which you might very likely respond… STOP.
Well, I had this fun idea to start using my SMS Marketing in order to send fun, inspirational weekly messages and ‘pocket poems’ (a term coined by Joy Facilitator Courtney who leads sessions for our dance experiment). I’ve never done ANYTHING like this before, but the idea of texting people little messages sounds super exciting and fun… and I spent time this past weekend figuring out how to get my SMS marketing all set up.
If you’d like to subscribe to my pocket poems — you can now officially join THE PEE POD — where I will text you little nuggets of inspiration on a weekly basis. I promise — these are text messages that you will want to read and share with others.
Ok…. now that I’ve got that off my chest… I’m going to summon some really good energy… and remind myself (and hopefully you), that everything is going to be OK.
I used to look outside of myself to feel good — until I realized that this was very inconsistent. Looking outside of myself for a feeling of validation… abundance… freedom… stability… or worthiness is like playing whack-a-mole… sometimes you get it, and sometimes you don’t.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about one of my climbs at Mount Saint Helens — in particular, a climb that I did with my mom and one of her friends back in 2012. I’ve climbed Mount Saint Helens five times now — and four of those times were in snowy conditions or in the winter… and only one time was in ‘summer’ conditions — which meant that we were forced to climb via the summer route, called Monitor Ridge.
The thing that I remember the most about this particular route is this: the endless, uphill slopes of loose scree. If you’ve never climbed up a scree field, consider yourself among the lucky ones — who have yet to experience the joy of putting every ounce of physical effort into moving up a few feet, only to slide back down further than you climbed up. I’ve gone up many scree fields during my time as an alpine climber, and one adjective comes to mind when I recall these experiences: demoralizing. It’s not only physically draining, but also mentally exhausting — especially when you can see the summit ahead of you, but you feel like you are making absolutely zero forward progress in that direction.
Except that, you are. It might not look and feel like forward progress in that moment, but you are still moving forward. Even amidst the sliding backwards and the cursing and the slipping — you are making an overall gain towards the top.
When my mom and I summited Mount Saint Helens back in 2012, it was horrifically windy at the crater rim. I still remember posing for a photo at the rim with my mom, and just hoping she didn’t blow off the edge. My mom and her friend headed down after tagging the crater rim, and I continued on for a little bit longer to reach the highpoint on the crater — a little bump that is the true ‘summit’ of a mountain that no longer really has a top. After a quick stop, I headed back down to find my mom and her friend — bounding down the soft scree that I had previously struggled to ascend… as if I were running in low gravity on the moon.
I’ve been thinking a lot about life as a giant scree field — we’re always moving forward, but sometimes it feels like we slide backwards a little bit. In those moments of sliding backwards, it’s easy to feel demoralized and to lose sight of the fact that were are still much further along than we have ever gone before. It’s easy to lose sight of where we’ve been, because we are focused on where we are not.
Life is not linear … and I am learning to trust that the direct path to a destination includes the slides. I often feel like I’m slipping backwards — but am I really? Is it possible that maybe these little moments are just as important as the steps that go forward? Maybe, in fact, our forward steps are stronger and more confident, simply because we had the experience of needing to adjust to something new and unexpected. Of course, this is often easier to see in hindsight — and more difficult to accept as it is happening. It’s easy to love the moments when I feel like everything is clicking into place — and it can feel demoralizing and frustrating to slide backwards. Didn’t I just do all the work to get me further along? Why do I keep slipping backwards? Why can’t I just catch a break?
When my mom and I climbed Mount Saint Helens that day, we still made it to the crater rim — even if we did slide back and forth a bit. Mount Saint Helens is such a unique mountain, because there’s a high point — but not a true summit. It’s the same in our daily lives — I’ve found that we’re often chasing after some mythical summit — and, as soon as we reach it, we’re already trying to figure out what’s next. Nothing is good enough, nothing is satisfying enough — it’s a constant chase for enough-ness that feels endless and exhausting.
Oddly enough, the most fun part of my Mount Saint Helens climb in 2012 (other than preventing my mom from blowing off at the top) were the few moments when I was bounding down the mountain — I had left the high point behind and I could see my mom and her friend in the distance. The scree slope was soft and gentle as I took giant leaps down the ridge — it felt like I was floating. I still remember feeling like a playful little kid — running and leaping and laughing out loud down the section that had, less than an hour before, been the hardest part of the climb.
There are a lot of things that challenge me — both in my personal life and as a business owner — but it helps to know that sometimes the things that are the hardest, will also become the most fun. I don’t need to know how it’ll all work out, but I have to trust that it will. I have to be able to let go a little bit, and allow the difficult spots to propel me forward. I have to know and trust that climbing a mountain includes all of the steps.
Friends — thank you so much for being here today, and all days — I am hoping that you can each trust your path… and that together, we can keep taking all of the steps that will lead us all to a place of peace, abundance, ease and wellness. You are all loved so very much — have a beautiful week!
I loved this so much. Thank you. 😊
Such a wonderful memory for me and I love the way you used the climb to describe how different periods in our lives can feel. The summit was great but it was ultimately sharing it with you that made it special.