AMA with AMA: First questions of 2024!
Looking forward to things + Dealing with Jealousy
Dear Kula Diaries,
Happy New Year! It’s Wednesday — which means that it is time for another AMA (Ask me Anything!). You too can submit your questions (anything goes!) into the Kula Diaries Vault, and I’ll consider it for a future AMA. There are lots of questions in the vault right now… so I’m moving slowly through them and trying to answer as many as I can.
Please keep in mind… I am not a therapist. These are my words, opinions, and advice. Please use curiosity while reading them and take what works for you, and feel free to ditch anything that doesn’t. Above all things — trust yourself more than anybody else (including me).
Ok, let’s get into the questions!
Dear AMA,
What are you looking forward to?
I wanted to answer this question because it felt… fun. One of my personal habits is to intentionally focus my intention onto things that feel good… on things that I’m looking forward to… and on the things that I want to create. It’s a really powerful tool. For most of my life, I spent time focusing on the things that scared me… the things I didn’t want… the things I didn’t have… and everything that was ‘wrong’ with my life. And you know what? I kept pressing the ‘repeat button’ on exactly where I was. Joe Dispenza writes that a, ‘Repeated past creates a predictable future.’ Namely, when you keep doing the same things over and over… you can really only expect the exact same results. So, intentionally writing or speaking about things that you are looking forward to is a really great practice in the process of creating something new.
Good weather for riding motorcycles!
I’ve mentioned before that my husband and I both participate in the practice of speaking the things we want to create out loud. In 2021, when he left his job at the railroad, we started this practice in earnest. One of the things that we started talking about was riding motorcycles together. We had never even considered this in the decade we’ve been together — and we weren’t even sure why! Suddenly, once Aaron left his job, the idea of riding motorcycles sounded really exciting. We started speaking out loud about riding motorcycles together and about the trips that we wanted to go on. Very specifically, we talked about riding to coffee shops… riding to 5B’s Bakery in Concrete, WA… riding to Artist Point near Mt. Baker… and doing the Cascade Loop (a long loop that travels through the Cascade Mountains). I’m very happy to report that when you focus on and speak about the things that you want to create — they have a funny way of working out. This past year, we rode our motorcycles over 8,000 miles together — including all of the trips that I mentioned above. The weather in WA right now is not ideal for motorcycle riding — it needs to be dry-ish and usually at least 47 degrees (ideally closer to 60 degrees) for us to ride (somewhat) comfortably. While I do love the cold weather in the winter, I’m really looking forward to having some beautiful days so that we can ride together.
This year, we are planning to ride the loop around the Olympic Peninsula… and we want to drive back down to Seaside, Oregon to replicate our last lighthouse trip… some of the roads along the coast are really phenomenal, and I’m excited to experience them on the motorcycle. We also want to plan a ride up and around Mt. Rainier… and we want to do the Cascade Loop (again) with an added section of Highway 20. Riding the motorcycles has been such a fun way for us to experience the world in a new and different way and I look forward to every single ride.
Going to a new pizza restaurant
This is probably not news to anybody, but I love pizza. Once per week, we have ‘pizza and cookie’ night — we make homemade pizzas and I make my famous Kula cookies. I look forward to it every single week. I also love trying out new restaurants, and a few months ago I heard about a restaurant in Carbonado, Washington called the Carlson Block. I am very much looking forward to going to this restaurant and trying their pizza. Maybe that seems like a small thing, but quite honestly, it’s small things that I look forward to more than anything.
Many years ago, I was very unhappy… most of the time. If you had looked at my Facebook page, you would not have known — because my feed was a constant barrage of exceptional adventures. I was deeply unsatisfied with ‘normal’ life — and if I wasn’t planning some sort of an epic trip, I was miserable. I needed to be travelling and exploring and doing something incredible at all times. Living life was just simply not enough for me. I was pretty miserable, and escaping from everything and living in a ‘fantasy land’ was the only way that I could hide from myself. I was able to keep up this facade for only so long, until it all came crumbling down.
Now, something like going to a new pizza restaurant sounds really exciting to me. A few years ago, I would have panicked if that was my only plan during the weekend. I would have looked at somebody ‘like me’ and wondered how they could be OK with doing something that was so ‘boring’. In looking back on that attitude, I realize how misguided I was. Needing to escape where you are and being unable to simply be in the present moment is infinitely more miserable, even if it does include a trip to Patagonia. It’s funny to feel satisfied with enjoying where I am. Most weekends, I don’t do a lot — and I am a lot happier now than I ever was when I was travelling all over the world. Life is funny like that, isn’t it? I thought I needed to cross the Patagonian Ice Cap to find the answers about myself… but, really, I could have just eaten a slice of pizza. Well, sort of. Ha!
My mom is here visiting me from Maryland
To be honest, my mom was sitting next to me when I wrote this, and when she saw the question… she forced me to write this. But in all seriousness, my husband and I very rarely have any house guests, but I would hardly call my mom a ‘house guest’ — she manages to clean my entire house within .00006 seconds of arriving. While this is fantastic on many levels, it also makes my own cleaning skills feel wildly inferior - ha!
During my mom’s visit to WA, she is going to be attending the Pyka Plunge with me… working for a week with us at the brand new Kula Office… attending the Mountain Loop Adopt-A-Highway litter clean up… helping me lead Dance Experiment sessions… and we are going to be taking her to the Kro Bar in Bothell, WA for a treat. The last time that my mom was here, I took her on her very first motorcycle ride ever… at age 65!
I am really looking forward to sharing cookies, dance sessions, morning walks and playing games with my mom every day. I grew up on the East Coast, but I moved away in 2004 when I came to WA to become a Park Ranger. I don’t get to see my family very often, and my mom usually comes to WA a few times per year. In August, she was here for a backpacking trip — and while we probably won’t be hiking much while she is here this time, I’m still really looking forward to spending time with her (and she didn’t force me to say that). My mom is the biggest Kula fan in human history… she arrived in WA with a full outfit of Kula Creepy Cat attire… Kula earrings… and when we met her at the airport, she had a Kula on her carry on bag… and another one attached to her checked luggage. She is known to give Kulas out to random people wherever she goes and I’m excited that she will get to attend a few of our events and get the chance to meet other folks in the Kula Community.
When I was a little kid, I apparently told my mom, “One day I’m going to have one good idea… and that’s all I need to have.” My mom has always believed in me and encouraged me — even when I was ‘nuts’ enough to quit my job to start a company that made a pee cloth, with absolutely no proof that it would work. When you make a decision like that… you do not have the support of everybody, so it really does mean a lot when people cheer you on.
Publishing a book!
My Creative Director Amanda and I have been working on a poetry book for ages. I’ve struggled to find time to proofread it since the past year has been a bit challenging for me. Amanda illustrated the book and it is remarkably beautiful. I wrote all of the poems over the course of several years, and Amanda has been compiling them and illustrating them into a very special collection. I love the poems because they tell a story: many of them were written in the very early years of Kula, when I was still struggling with a lot of self-doubt. As I explored my own consciousness and spirituality, the poems shifted from a place of wanting to create something outside of myself… to looking inward for the real answers. The book has shifted and changed and taken shape into something that is very unique and special — it also captures the friendship that Amanda and I have developed over the years that we have worked together.
We don’t have a publisher for our book, because, quite frankly, I haven’t looked for one. My current plan is to self-publish the book through an independent publishing house that will be able to print Amanda’s art in a way that brings the colors and images to life. I have no idea when the book will be published, but I am committing to myself (and to all of you publicly) that I am going to proofread the book by the end of January… so that Amanda and I can plan its release and (hopefully) schedule a small book tour together.
I’ve also been working on writing a real book about the Creepy Victorian Cat. If you read the latest edition of The Creepy Cat Detective Agency Part IV, you will know that a book is mentioned in the story. Well, I’ve actually been working on that real book idea for awhile now… inspired by the events in the story. Isn’t it incredible and exciting to see all of the things that can bloom from something that, on the surface, seemed like a bad thing?
When I was a little girl, I sat at a manual typewriter and wrote stories and poems… obsessively. Most people would say things like, “You can never make a living doing what you love,” or, “Poets can’t make a living.” I bought into the lie of the ‘starving artist’ — and never pursued the creative things that lived in my heart. Instead, I decided that I needed to be pre-med in college. Obviously, that didn’t go well — because now I own a pee cloth company - ha! I’ve now completely reverted to childhood — writing poems, creating stories, designing t-shirts and trying my best to allow my creative expression to bloom and grow in unexpected and beautiful ways. Amanda and I have been working on this book for a long time now, and I’m very excited to watch it come to life.
Kula x Milk Run Moto adventures!
In the ‘business’ side of my life, I’m really looking forward to increasing Kula’s distribution all over the world. I’m also looking forward to finding a distribution channel for my new motorcycle-specific Rapunzel gaiter. With our new Kula HQ, I feel like I’m finally in a place where we can start to grow in a more sustainable manner. I’ve been working with a business coach recently, and I am feeling very optimistic about the future as Kula continues to grow. I’m looking forward to seeing Kula as a standard piece of gear in all gear stores (online and brick and mortar stores)… and I’m really excited to watch the Rapunzel Gaiter move into winter-recreation oriented stores as well.
A cute little timelapse of putting on the Rapunzel gaiter. This product existed in around 10 different prototypes before it arrived in its final form!
When I first started Kula, I had no idea how to do any of this… and I have slowly, but surely figured it out. I am still figuring it out — but I’m getting better at it. My husband is working with me now, and having his help has been really important. We are working on building a solid foundation for Kula so that it can continue to bring a lot of goodness into the lives of others. I want to work on coordinating bigger collaborations with non-profits and other brands… getting Kula into more stores… and also continuing to develop new products. I’m currently in the process of designing a pair of shorts — I’ve been testing a prototype and I love them so far. I have a few small ‘tweaks’ I want to make to the pattern, but I’m hoping to launch them in the Spring of 2024. I also really enjoy opportunities to teach or speak to groups, and I’m looking forward to having more chances to connect with people in that way.
Today
Maybe this sounds corny, but I am genuinely looking forward to today — and whatever that might bring. It’s easy to get caught up in looking at the ‘future’ … but, really, the future will never come, because it’s only ever now. I spent a lot of my life wishing that I were somewhere different than where I was, and I missed out on a lot of things because I had a constant feeling of dissatisfaction. No matter what, I was always able to look at my life and find something that was ‘wrong’ with it. That’s the nature of our brains — we are good at finding things that need to be ‘fixed’ … and we push our happiness out into a distant place in the future that will ultimately never arrive.
Finding gratitude for exactly where we are is very easy to avoid when we are overly focused on where we aren’t. It’s not wrong to look forward to things — but it’s also really important to appreciate where we are. In fact, it is through appreciating where we are that we ultimately open the door for more goodness to enter our lives. Are there things that I’d like to ‘change’ about where I am right now? Hmmm… that’s a difficult question. Sure, maybe I’d love for Kula to be through some of the ‘growing pains’ of the early years… but I also know that where I am is where I am supposed to be. All of ‘this’ is important and critical for me to get wherever it is that I’m meant to go. I don’t want to miss out on it. Even the challenging moments — those are the really important ones that will bloom in beautiful and surprising ways.
And so, I’m really grateful for right now. Today, I had a beautiful day spending time with my mom and my husband and our three cats. We went on a beautiful walk this morning… danced with The Dance Experiment… cleaned our house… made homemade pizza and cookies… and had a really ‘normal’ and relaxing day. But, when you actually stop and think about it… there really isn’t anything normal about it. What an absolute gift it is to live on this planet… eat delicious food… have the opportunity to watch a sunrise… and spend time with people that you love. The things that we often take for granted and label as ‘ordinary’ are, in fact, quite extraordinary. I’m glad that I haven’t forgotten that.
Dear AMA,
What would you say to someone who feels like they are jealous of your life?
First and foremost, I’d give that person a hug. It is really hard to be in a place where you wish that you had a different life, and I know that … because I’ve been there too. Secondly, I believe that most jealousy has nothing to do with me or any another person… and everything to do with a sense of lack about oneself. Many years ago, I looked at other people who were doing things that I wanted to be doing — and I did feel jealous. I looked at all of their seemingly amazing adventures and their ‘fantastical lives’ and thought that they had received some sort of ‘secret code’ that unlocked a special door into a realm that I would never have a chance to enter … because I was one of the unlucky ones. Little did I realize that my own jealousy and feeling of lack about where I was … was the very thing that was preventing me from actually creating the things that I wanted to create.
As I began to acknowledge my own jealousy, I knew that I needed to let it go. Instead of getting annoyed at other people who were doing things that I hoped that I could do someday… and using them as an excuse as to why I couldn’t do it… I consciously made an effort to praise them. If I caught myself thinking jealous thoughts about another person — I noticed it, acknowledged it… and then I found a way to turn it into a compliment about how proud and happy I was for that other person. Was somebody making a living teaching people about hiking? Instead of being mad at them or finding a way to criticize what they were doing because I was jealous, I’d tell myself, “How amazing is that! People can make a living doing what they love … which means I can too. I’m really excited to see what that looks like for me.” The more and more that I started to praise and compliment other people — the more that my own life began to change too. Suddenly, new opportunities and ideas started to arise. It felt like I had been given the code … or rather, I just realized that I had the key in my hand the entire time.
Secondly, as you look at another person’s life — it’s also very important to realize that you are very rarely seeing the whole picture. Most of what people have access to about any other person’s life is what they decide to share. Personally, I try to share a relatively accurate snapshot of my life — but I can equally assure you that my life is not a glamourous, Willy-Wonka world of sprinkles and glitter. Most days are shockingly normal, and would probably bore folks to hear about. I often joke that I’m the most ‘boring exciting’ person that you will ever meet… and it’s true. I lead a relatively solitary life… I have very few friends… and I spend most of my time working and/or trying to enjoy my free time with my husband. There are days when I envy folks who can go to work… come home… and then enjoy spending their free time doing anything they want — without having to carry the burden of a business and other people’s livelihood on their back. There are many, many moments when that is a very heavy pack to haul. There are a lot of days when I have wanted to give up. There are many days when I put on a happy face and dance and act life a goofball… but inside, I’m struggling with the complexities of what it means to grow a business and navigate life. Do I love it? Yes, I do. Is it easy? No, it is not.
Many years ago, when I looked at other people who were ‘successful’ (from my perspective), I falsely believed that their success was preventing me from mine. “Other people are already doing it,” became my personal mantra. And yet… who was actually stopping me? Were these other individuals physically preventing me from taking steps to create the life that I wanted? It was difficult to admit that the only person who was preventing me from doing those things… was me. As I acknowledged this truth… and worked to let go of the jealousy… something amazing happened: as I started to follow my own heart and inspiration, all of the people that I had once looked at with jealousy and envy were the first people in line to uplift me on my journey. So, if you are currently looking at others and wishing that you could be there — you can. In fact, you can start right now. Begin to envision who and what you want to become… and start taking tiny steps to make that happen. Let go of needing to know how it is possible. Compliment and praise and be inspired by the people who have paved the way ahead of you. I promise that as you begin to carve your own path… they will be the first folks in line to cheer you on… and I will be one of them.
More than anything, as somebody who has been in your shoes… I hope that my life can inspire you and show you what is possible for you too. I am not special. And by that, I mean that I do not have any skills that you don’t have. I’m sure we have our own unique strengths and weaknesses, but I genuinely believe that the ability to create whatever we want is something that lives innately within each of us. I hope that you can look at my life and, instead of seeing it as something you can’t have, see it as something that is possible for you too — in your own unique way. I’m not sure what that looks like for you — and you don’t need to know either. To start, you just need to believe it’s possible, without knowing how. A few years ago I was a very unhappy railroad cop who was looking at other people and wishing that I could be somewhere else. What I’ve discovered is that ‘being there’ is not what has brought me happiness. Kula Cloth is not the source of my happiness. Finding the love and peace that lives in every single moment is what has created the joy that I now feel. Begin by finding and focusing on the love in your heart — and watch it bloom into anything you can imagine.
Friends, thank you so much for being here — I hope that you are all having a beautiful start to your New Year. I am so grateful that you’ve decided to spend a little bit of your time with me. I am looking forward to seeing ‘whatever it is’ that this year brings for me — and I’m going to do my best to share all of it — whatever it looks like — with all of you.
Anastasia!
I have to take issue with a completely false statement that you made!
“ I lead a relatively solitary life… I have very few friends…”
You have so many friends. I am your friend. Everyone in the dance experiment is your friend. I promise that no one is getting up at 6:30 AM and tuning into zoom to dance with you while not actually liking you that much or not thinking fondly about you.
We have never been on the same side of the continent as each other, never been physically in the same room, but I absolutely count you as one of my friends. Our weird relationship over these past two years has been a great support. A huge joy, a fun adventure and a treasured experience. We look out for each other in the realms of shared responsibility and shared experiences.
You have a whole bunch of friends who dance with you every day. You have a whole bunch of friends who read this sub stack and enjoy dreaming about what the creepy cat is going to do next.
Maybe you don’t have an entourage of people at your house every day taking you out, but you do live in a rural house on the side of a mountain. We aren’t filling up your living room every weekend, but we are definitely your friends.
The iconic Cinder Salad photo - I've been waiting for this longer than I realized.