AMA with AMA: Answering YOUR questions!

What my husband likes about me + how I became a BACKPACKER magazine gear tester and trail scout!

Dear Kula Diaries,

Welcome to this week’s AMA — the magical moment in the week where I get to sit down and answer your questions! If you’d like to submit a question for a future AMA, you can do that right here. Anything goes… seriously! If you want to know something obscure and/or seemingly ridiculous…go for it! Or, if you have a question about backpacking or hiking — please ask! I really enjoy reading and answering your questions, and I appreciate the opportunity to share with all of you.

This week’s AMA is a little bit more interactive, because one of the answers does include a few YouTube videos that I had to find in the archives of the internet. These videos are like tiny snapshots into the early days of Kula, when I still was in the very early phases of trying to figure out what it meant to run a business. Things have changed a lot since those days, but looking back, I’m really proud of that version of me — who was trying really hard to do her best.

Please know that you are trying your best too — we all are. We are so hard on ourselves sometimes, and we need to learn to approach life with gentleness and compassion — for others, yes, but most importantly … for ourselves.

Ok, let’s get to the questions!

Dear AMA,

Can you ask Aaron what he likes about you?

I asked Aaron this question (on your behalf), and after he laughed and said, ‘Everything!’ (true story). Then, he thought about it for a bit more, and he distilled it down to these qualities:

He says that I’m very independent and that I do things, even when other people tell me that it can’t be done. He says that I always know what to say and how to diffuse a situation, even when people are acting irrationally. He also says that I don’t get ‘in my head’ very much to fight ‘fake battles’ — and that I always look for the best in people or in any situation.

What I find really interesting about his comments is that I probably exemplified the opposite of those compliments about a decade ago. I used to be able to hold a grudge like it was nobody’s business — once, I held a grudge against Aaron for at least 3 months about something that I made up in my head… and didn’t even have the decency to tell him what it was. It is shocking to me how unconsciously identified I was with the ‘fake stories’ in my own mind — and while on one level, I know that I didn’t do it intentionally — the results of that behavior were really terrible. I used to let things really bother me… and I’d obsess about the littlest things that people said and what it, ‘meant’ that they said it.

Me and Aaron hiking in the rain last year.

So what changed? Honestly, I had to experience a lot of self-inflicted pain before I was able to wake up from my unconscious state of being. If you find yourself similarly struggling with stories in your mind — it’s OK. It is completely normal, but there is also another way to live — one where you can experience life, without telling yourself made up stories all the time. If you are interested in starting that process, I can only suggest that you start a meditation practice. The actual method of ‘waking up’ to your own consciousness is a gradual process that takes time for each human. I do believe, however, that the pain and unconscious identification with the stories in my own mind were the catalyst for that process. Simply put — they had to happen, in order for me to wake up to the truth.

One other thing that I want to add here — and this isn’t specifically about Aaron’s answer to the question, but rather about a conversation that we had the other day. We were listening to a podcast and there was a segment in the episode where the subject being interviewed about a relationship was saying that the other person, ‘completed him’. I jokingly said, “Well, this isn’t going to work out.” And sadly, I wasn’t wrong. The story went on to describe the ultimate demise of their relationship. I used to believe that being with somebody else would make me happy and/or that I needed a relationship in order to fill a ‘void’. The thing is… somebody else will temporarily complete you… until they don’t… because that isn’t a responsibility that should fall on anybody else’s shoulders. I do not complete Aaron, and he does not complete me. Individually, it is our own responsibility to find a sense of wholeness from within — which, in turn, gives us the ability to appreciate all of the other person. In that place, the purpose of our relationship is not to fill an impossible void… it’s simply to be with each other, in love and relation.

Oh, and last but not least, Aaron also said that I make really great breakfast sandwiches. I have to agree with him on that one.

Dear AMA,

Please tell us more! “Me - prior to starting Kula, but after leaving my job. I was selected as a ‘scout’ for Backpacker Magazine… and had the opportunity to host some short segments on the local news about hiking skills.”

For this week’s AMA… and to answer this specific question… I thought it would be fun to venture into the ‘archives’ of all of the things that happened while I was in the process of getting Kula Cloth off the ground.

As I have shared with all of you, I left my job as a railroad police officer to start, ‘a career in the outdoor industry’ — or at least that’s what I told everybody. If I’m being honest with all of you, I had a vague idea of what I wanted to do… but not a very specific plan. I did, however, believe that I’d figure it out. Prior to leaving my job, I had started an online hiking/backpacking group on Facebook, which was very active at the time. I was teaching virtual backpacking and hiking classes (for free), and I had a plan to attend a life coaching course. I also planned to lead two ‘Backpacking 101’ workshops, and I had arranged with a state park to host my class. While I was leading my backpacking Facebook group, I simultaneously applied to be a scout for Backpacker Magazine — and I was selected! This was an unpaid position, but my responsibilities included tracking and writing about hikes in the Seattle area, occasionally submitting small writing pieces to Backpacker magazine… and gear testing! It was a pretty incredible opportunity, that seemed to ‘fall out of the air’.

Gear testing for Backpacker Magazine!

In fact, I’ll tell you exactly how it happened. As I’ve also mentioned, I started my online hiking community exactly 2 weeks after my near death incident. Within a few weeks, I had quite a few members joining, and I was very actively providing educational content… doing live backpacking tutorial videos… and sharing gear reviews and information. As a result of this, a woman in the group e-mailed me the application for the Backpacker Scout position. I, in fact, had not seen the application on my own. So, I applied for it — was interviewed, and got the position! I was so ecstatic, because it really felt like proof that I could do ‘whatever it was’ I was going to do.

It’s funny when you stop telling yourself that you can’t do things… or that you aren’t good enough… because opportunities seem to arrive without you even trying to ‘get’ them. When you first have the idea to start something… it’s very easy to tell yourself that you aren’t ‘good enough’ for it — or that you don’t have ‘enough experience’ or that other people are, ‘already doing it’. We use these ‘facts’ to convince ourselves that we shouldn’t follow our heart. But guess what? These aren’t facts at all — they are just untrue thoughts that we say to ourselves. We incorrectly convince ourselves that the world ‘out there’ is preventing us from doing the things that inspire us… but really, it is the world in our own minds that is our biggest obstacle.

As I moved forward with my ideas — for the first time, I didn’t tell myself that ‘this’ wasn’t possible for me, even though I didn’t really know what ‘this’ was. I used to tell myself (over and over) that I was living on the edge of my seat… waiting for whatever wonderful thing would come next. It was a new way for me to live, because I had always lived in a way that expected nothing to work out. Suddenly, I expected things to work out — even though I couldn’t articulate what that would look like.

One day, while minding my own business, I received an e-mail from our local Fox News channel asking if I wanted to help with a segment on hiking safety in the PNW. I was stunned — how did they even find me?! To this day, I have no idea how they found me… but I found myself driving down to the news channel to film my first segment as a local hiking expert.

Here’s that segment… which was filmed only 3 days before I hit the ‘go’ button on the Kula Cloth website:

And a month later, they asked me to come back! This time, they wanted me to share an easy backpacking meal recipe — so, I showed the host how they could make a simple recipe in a bag. This particular segment cracks me up… especially how they spell, ‘adventurepreneaur’ … sounds like a new species of dinosaur to me - ha!

A few months later, I received a message from King5, who wanted me to talk about hiking in the Autumn on their New Day program! Again, I have no idea how they ‘found’ me — but I headed into the news channel with my 'hiking props’ and had the chance to talk to them about hiking for a few minutes.

As I watch these videos now, they give me a sense of nostalgia… and sometimes a little bit of the cringe factor. Truthfully, I was still very much in the midst of ‘figuring it out’ — and really, I still am. We are all in a constant phase of growth in our lives, and when we look back on where we were, it’s easy to judge or criticize ourselves because we often say things that we’d never say now. But, I always try to keep in mind: I was doing my best then… and I am doing my best now.

What I learned from the few times that I had the chance to be on television is that trying to talk about hiking for under 3 minutes is really hard for me. As you’ve probably gathered from reading The Kula Diaries … I’m not a person who has a hard time coming up with things to say. If you get me started talking about hiking or mountaineering or backpacking? Well, you might just want to get comfortable. I love teaching people about hiking and backpacking — it brings me great joy to be able to give people information that can help them have a safer and more enjoyable experience outside. Luckily, I now get the chance to lead virtual classes about hiking, so I’m not limited to a two minute long segment.

The first time I had the chance to be on TV after I left my job was with The Musical Mountaineers. After Rose and I started hiking into the mountains with our instruments and gowns, we received a message from King 5 Evening Magazine that they wanted to feature us on their program. I still remember that I was sitting in my tiny Honda Fit when I saw the e-mail come through. Only a few months prior, I had quit my job with absolutely no guarantee that I could do anything. People came out of the woodwork to tell me that I was making a huge mistake… and, quite honestly, I was starting to believe them. When Rose and I started Musical Mountaineering, it felt like — for the first time — that it might be possible to create something new. How does one go from being a railroad police officer to starting a career in the outdoor industry? I had no idea, but playing music in the mountains felt like it could be a start. When that e-mail from King 5 Evening Magazine arrived, I sat in my car and sobbed. It wasn’t because I really wanted to be on TV… it was because, for the first time, I could see the thing that I had once only felt was in my heart. All along, I had known that ‘something else’ was possible — but until you see it, it can feel scary and lonely and a bit like walking into the unknown.

You can see that very first segment on King 5 here:

I share these television clips with all of you… not as a, ‘look at me’ project… but rather, as a reflection back on a time when I was still very new at this process. Prior to starting my online hiking and Facebook group, I was Anastasia Allison, a railroad police officer who taught a backpacking class for a non-profit… who loved to hike and who had once been a park ranger. The version of me who had a company and/or a career in the outdoor industry did not exist yet — because I had to create her. It’s a weird thing to create yourself, because you have to begin to see yourself as something else first … so that you can start to walk into the shoes that you’ve laid out.

Just imagine that you are somebody who wants a career in the outdoor industry… but you are currently working in anything but the outdoor industry. Where do you begin? You begin… by just beginning. You close your eyes and you ask yourself: If I were working in the outdoor industry — what would that feel like? What is one thing I’d love to do or try? How would I spend my time? What would my day look like? And then… without needing to know how this could all happen… you just take a few little tiny steps. Maybe you start a Facebook group… maybe you start sharing videos… maybe you start writing… maybe you reach out to a gear company… maybe you start volunteering for a non-profit… maybe you try to make a prototype of a piece of gear you’ve always wanted to make. I’m not sure what what it is for you… but I do know, that it will require you to begin to live as if that version of you is already here. See if you can begin to embody this version of you before you are interviewed on TV… before anybody knows who you are… before your gear company even has a name. Begin to tell people about your dream, and start shifting the momentum in a direction that points to a place where all things are possible.

I’ve said this before, but I’m going to say it again — I’m not more special than you. I teach a lot of hygiene classes (which I love!)… and I will often joke that pooping and peeing are the great ‘equalizers’ of life. When it comes down to it, we can put folks up on a pedestal all we want… but really, we are all just humans who poop and pee. That isn’t to say that we aren’t brilliant— of course we are! In fact, we are miraculous and so are our digestive systems and our kidneys for that matter. But, each of us is born with our own unique gifts and talents that we were meant to bring into this world — and the only difference between me now and the version of me many years ago… is that the version of me many years ago said a lot of things that were not true. That version of me said things like, “I’m not good enough”, or “Other people are already doing it”, or “I can never making a living doing this”, or “All businesses fail”, or, “You can’t make a living doing what you love.” When I honestly reflect back on my own journey — I can see that the only person in my way… was me.

It sounds cliche to say that you need to, ‘get out of your own way’, but it’s very true. This is one of the reasons why meditation is such an important practice — because meditation is the practice of learning how to notice that you are thinking. Once you have the ability to notice your thoughts, you can also notice that they are not necessarily real. Yes, they might be there… because you’ve probably been habitually thinking them for a long time… but they aren’t true. They don’t have to determine the course of your life. Ultimately, that is a trail that you get to build. Once you realize this, you can start the process of intentionally creating the things that you want to experience in your life — you put your hands in the clay and you can begin to craft a world of your imagination.

I’m going to finish today with a little poem about taking those next steps. Wherever and however you are right now — please know that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Now is always the perfect (and only) time to begin. More than anything — see if you can find a sense of wholeness, exactly where you are.

Wandering through the hills
Your headlamp growing dim
You look around your life
And wonder where to begin

How did I even get here?
And where am I going next?
These unknowable little questions
Will leave you feeling vexed

Other people are better
I’m good at really nothing at all
I’ll wait until a better time
To answer my inner call

Miracles will happen
When you say I can instead of I can’t
Who knows what could be possible
When your soul begins to dance

Listen to the words you say
Observe the thoughts in your mind
Set them aside, and let them go
You might be surprised to find

In a world of possibility
Your brilliance begins to glow
It will shine from within so easily
There’s nothing you have to know

Except that you just have to be
Exactly who you are right now
Don’t worry about the way to go
Your heart will show you how.

Friends, as always, thank you so much for being here each week and for reading The Kula Diaries — and please don’t hesitate to let me know if you want to know anything … I am happy to share, and I’m here to encourage and uplift YOU in your dreams. Nothing is out of reach for you — you are infinite in every direction, and all things are possible.