AMA with AMA: Answering YOUR questions!
The Life-Changing practice of living in the now
Dear Kula Diaries,
Hello, friends — and welcome to another AMA — Ask Me Anything! I’m excited to be here with you this week, and I hope that you are having a beautiful day today. This past weekend, my husband and I fulfilled a personal goal of riding our motorcycles to a small town called Wilkeson, Washington. It was a three hour motorcycle ride with a very specific purpose: to visit the best pizza restaurant in all of Washington State. I had read about The Carlson Block during the winter, and I had been anxiously anticipating my visit to this tiny town for a legendary pizza … and the trip did not disappoint! The pizza was mind blowingly delicious — just envision homemade sourdough crust and made-from-scratch everything! I ate the entire pizza, which was exactly what I needed so that I could stay focused on the long motorcycle ride back home!
A few weeks ago, I asked for input from YOU — specifically, I wanted to know what YOU wanted to see in The Kula Diaries… and I had one request for MORE CAT CONTENT. So, I’ve decided to use this weekly AMA to also share completely unrelated photographs of my three cats: Cinder, Niko and Esa. Cats are the most present, curious little beings — and, considering that today’s topic is about being present… I thought that the cats would be a perfect fit.
I hope that all of you had the chance to explore something new or different this past weekend — I’d love to hear about it! Additionally, if you have a question you’d like to submit for a future AMA, you can do that right here.
Ok, without further adieu, let’s get to the questions….
Dear AMA,
How do you reconcile “living in the now” versus “living without regard to future consequences” ?
Dear Kula Diaries Reader,
As a recovering obsessive-thinker-and-over-worrier … I feel that I’m uniquely qualified to answer this question. For most of my life I felt like I was living in a strange state of suspension: hovering between inspired ideas and the fear of the unknown. In this state of constant tug-of-war, I did what most people do… nothing. I talked myself out of almost every single idea that I ever had, based on an imaginary future of what-ifs that had not happened.
And yet — there is a balance, because living in the now does not mean acting with reckless abandon and with absolutely zero regard for the future. A person who lives in the now does not go on a backpacking trip with no gear… or fail to install fire alarms in their home… or eat cake for every single meal. Being in the now is, in fact, probably the most effective way to plan for future circumstances — because the act of being present inherently puts you in touch with the way in which you can create a future that is peaceful, joyous and full of ease. Conversely, it is through the act of worrying that we unconsciously and unintentionally ‘create’ a world that is seen through a lens of lack, scarcity and fear. Namely, when we worry about things — we create a future that we do not want.
To best understand the subtle differences between living in the now and/or living without regard to future circumstances, I’m going to create two hypothetical examples:
Example One - Penny D. Loafer — Stuck In Place and Fearing Future:
Penny D. Loafer is a creative woman who is working a job organizing medical records at a Gastro-Enterologists office. Every single day she arrives at the office, and feels uninspired. For most of the day, she’s secluded in an upstairs attic… where she is organizing thousands upon thousands of paper files. She feels a sense of dread when she pulls into the parking lot of her office every single day. She is interested in medicine, and so, she often finds reasons to chat with the doctors and ask them questions. As it turns out, it’s normal that her boyfriend farts at least 16 times per day — although she’s somewhat disappointed by that news.
On her weekends, she spends time outside — and recently, she started a small blog so that she could write about her adventures. She sees and admires other people who are pursuing their dreams in the outdoor field — but she doesn’t think that she’s good enough to pursue something like that. Besides, her dad told her that the most important thing that she can have is a stable paycheck. Sometimes she fantasizes about leaving her job to pursue things in the outdoor realm, but her mind immediately swoops in with a dose of reality about all of the things that would likely go wrong. Recently, while she was on a hike, she had a wave of inspiration rush over her to create an online community where she could teach backpacking and hiking skills to folks. At first, she got really excited about this and even designed a little logo for her new group!
But, now that she’s back at work… she’s realizing that she was probably just living in a pipe dream. She hears her dad’s voice echoing in her head, “What are you doing to do for money? What about your retirement?” As she sits and attempts to focus on filing medical records, she tries to figure out how this could be possible, and she finds herself feeling scared, restricted and terrified:
without health insurance, she’d get ill and die and/or be buried in so much debt that she’d never recover and she would have to move into a cardboard box and/or flee the country
What would she do for her retirement? She will likely have to work until the end of time in order to support herself, and she’ll never be able to retire if she pursues a career in the outdoor industry.
How will she pay for her car? She can’t imagine a way in which her blogging or outdoor skills could ever earn money, and so she’d probably have to trade in or sell her car.
There are so many other people already blogging and/or doing things in the outdoor industry, and she isn’t good enough to do it and/or probably doesn’t know enough in order to be successful.
She wants to buy a house in the future, but she probably couldn’t afford a house if she were a blogger and things would most likely be difficult because she’d be struggling so much and then everything in her life would come crashing down — just like people warned her it would … and it all could have been avoided if she had just quit allowing herself to dream in a ridiculous manner.
Penny sits in the attic at the GI office, and cries a little bit — this seems like it happens pretty often. She gets ideas, and then realizes that they just simply are not possible. She feels disappointed and she knows that she’s being foolish for even dreaming about it. She decides that she needs to face reality and quit fantasizing about things that feel fun — because those things are likely impossible, and people don’t get to do what they love for a living. She goes back to filling her medical charts — which, really is a pretty easy job… and she’s ok there, even though it isn’t really what she wants to do. Maybe…she thinks to herself… Maybe I’ll figure this out someday.
Example two - Penny Loafer starts meditating and living in ‘the now’:
Penny Loafer works as a medical records assistant at a GI office… and she’s not particularly enthusiastic about her work, but it’s pretty easy and she likes getting a paycheck each week. A few years ago, she started hiking and backpacking — and she’s been dreaming about pursuing a career in the outdoor industry. She envisions herself teaching people about hiking and backpacking… and maybe blogging about her adventures… or, perhaps, developing a new product (if an idea comes to her). When she thinks about these dreams, she sometimes finds herself feeling a little bit discouraged… but, most recently, she started a meditation practice. As she’s started meditating, she’s begun to notice that a lot of her thoughts have to do with a future that hasn’t happened yet — when she worries about things, she realizes that it prevents her from taking any steps forward.
Lately, she’s started finding some time at work to meditate on her breaks. She’ll sit in the attic of the medical records office and turn on a 2 minute meditation, and just allow herself to feel present. It’s funny, but when she does that — she is able to notice when she’s over-thinking about a future unknown… and she can remind herself that in this very moment, she’s perfectly OK.
The other day while filing away medical records, she had an idea to start an online hiking and backpacking group — just to get started sharing her passion about hiking with others. She loves the idea of this turning into a full time job, but she notices that every time she starts pondering the feasibility of it, she loses that feeling of inspired creativity. She’s figured out that if she doesn’t need to know all of the answers to a future that she can’t possibly predict… that she will continue taking steps forward. So, she decides to just spend her time off doing what she loves — hiking. In some way, she trusts that the right ideas and opportunities will start to arrive if she continually focuses on the things that make her feel good.
Without needing to know how it will all work out, Penny starts her online hiking and backpacking group — and publishes it on her personal Facebook page… and within just a few minutes, it already has over 25 members! Penny is pretty excited and enthusiastic about this, so she starts posting videos teaching people about backpacking and hiking skills… and gradually, the group starts to grow. Instead of worrying about what she’s going to do in the future — she just decides to enjoy her time, right now, moderating her new group. As she continues to put her heart into her passion, new opportunities start to pop up. A friend mentions to her that a backpack company is looking for Ambassadors, so Penny applies for the position — and gets accepted! Then, another friend asks if she’d like to teach backpacking at an upcoming retreat — it’s a paid gig, and Penny excitedly agrees!
Penny can feel the momentum of energy moving her along — and she continues to follow the path of what feels good — noticing the times that she gets ‘in her head’ and worried, and continuously bringing her attention back to the present moment. She discovers that as she lives in this way, she becomes more and more inspired to new ideas and opportunities — things seem to flow organically and easily for her. She has thoughts about the things that she wants to create, but she doesn’t overthink the details about things — or worry excessively about all of the things that, ‘could go wrong’. Her dad, a traditional pragmatist, notices the change in her and begins to ‘worry’ about her future. He questions her relentlessly about her plans: “What’s your 5 year plan? What’s your 10 year plan? What are you going to do for insurance? What are you going to do about your retirement?”. Penny knows that he is worried because he cares about her, and so she is able to acknowledge his love and care — without getting completely swept away by his projected fear. Penny feels — deep within her heart — that if she continues to follow her path, that she will figure those things out. And, she doesn’t really need to figure them out right now. She knows that there are many, many people who have figured those things out — and, when the time comes to make those decisions, she will make them.
As it turns out, Penny continues to grow her group until it has thousands and thousands of members — and she is well-known as a fixture in the backpacking and hiking community. She ends up being a regularly featured contributor to many outdoor magazines and she hosts a regular segment about hiking on a local news channel. She works with several brands to create custom collaborative products — and she gets paid a commission on all of them for sharing them with her followers. As the income begins to roll in from these opportunities, Penny continues working at the doctor’s office until she feels like it’s time for her to leave, because she simply is too busy doing the other things that she loves. It does feel a little bit scary leaping into the unknown, but she notices that the second she takes the leap — more opportunities seem to come out of the ether of the universe, because she has more time and energy to devote to her passion. Other people often pepper her with questions and fears about her future, but she’s learned to love them for their care — and also recognize that their fears are about them… not about her.
Every single day, Penny trusts that opportunities and inspiration will continue to flow. If she finds herself in a state of worry or fear — she comes back to her meditation practice and finds a feeling of gratitude and appreciation for life itself. She gives generously to others and has devoted her life to helping others connect more deeply to themselves through their experiences in nature. She still overthinks things sometimes… but she’s better at catching herself, and coming back to right now and trusting that she will be able to handle everything that arises. When she thinks about her life, she realizes the truth: she has always been able to handle everything in the moment … and no amount of worrying ever helped.
In case you couldn’t tell — the story of the two Penny’s is only partially fictional. I did, in fact, work in a GI office filing medical records for a period of time… my office was indeed in an attic, where I spent many hours crying about being unhappy and stuck in my life… and the doctor did tell me that the average person farts at least 16 times per day. While I’ve taken some creative liberties with the stories — the important points are true. When I was overly concerned about the future — I was stuck in place. The more that I have started living in the present moment, the more I’ve actually been able to create the future that I want to see.
There is an unfortunate and incorrect belief that ‘living in the now’ means that you don’t do anything and/or aren’t prepared for anything. In fact, quite the opposite is true. When you live in the present moment, you do a lot of things — but all of those things are inspired from a deep place of connection with our higher self. Conversely, somebody who is not living in the present moment might also do a lot of things, however, most of those actions are taken from a place of fear or worry — which will perpetuate a state of fear, worry and overthinking.
If I find myself feeling very worried about something, no amount of reactive planning and/or worrying about it is going to make anything better. Instead, I usually try to detach myself from the situation … find some time to meditate… and then see what solutions or ideas come to me, from a place of spaciousness. As you sit in the present moment, you have access to ideas that are in alignment with the future that you want to create — which is why living in the now actually lays the foundation for a better future, rather than an unprepared future.
When I worked for the railroad, I had to attend a seminar about the railroad retirement plan, and one of the railroad executives spoke during the class. At one point, he specifically said, “The thing about the railroad is that once you’re here… you’re here.” He went on to describe how incredible the retirement program was at the railroad, and he emphasized (without using these exact words) that it would be foolish to ever leave this retirement program behind. He finished the presentation by restating his initial comment, “The thing about the railroad… is that once you’re here… you’re here.” Throughout my time at the railroad, the only thing that I ever heard people talk about was the retirement — in fact, people were paralyzed to do anything beyond the railroad — even though I was watching the stress of the job physically kill them. So many people talked to me many times about wanting to pursue things beyond the railroad… but none of them would ever take the leap. Why? When I’d ask, they’d reference the retirement plan. “It’d be stupid to leave,” they’d say, even though their personal lives were in complete shambles. When I told people that I was leaving my job there, the reaction was the same in almost every circumstance: excitement for me… and then fear… “What about railroad retirement?”, they’d ask me in a panicked voice, “What are you going to do about that?”.
To be honest, I had no idea what I was going to do about that — but I also knew that I’d figure it out. In fact, I also knew that there are many people on this planet that have carved out abundant lives that do not depend on things such as railroad retirement. I was watching my husband’s health and our relationship deteriorate before my eyes — was I willing to sacrifice those things for the ‘promise’ of something that existed in a future that hadn’t happened yet? Or, did I want to fully surrender to the trust and abundance of the universe — and really believe that I could figure this out? As I watched my relationship begin to dissolve… and as I saw my own health deteriorating… the answer was easy. Nothing is promised. All you ever have is right now — and I was ready to start living.
This is not necessarily the right decision for everybody. I can’t say what is right for each person, in each unique life situation. What was right for me, might not feel good to you. What I do know is that the more and more that you can be exactly where you are right now (wherever that is)… and find a sense of peace and presence (without needing anything to change)… that you will be inspired to ideas and opportunities that will allow the flow of what you want to move into your life experience. Trust yourself in this moment… and in this one… and in this one. Right now, you are doing OK. Right now you are fine. As you deepen your practice of being in the moment, your life will adjust to this new way of living — and you will discover that you can approach the future with a sense of curiosity and peace and trust about what is coming.
I do not always live in the present moment — but I don’t worry nearly as much anymore. I also do plan for the future — however, it’s not from a place of worrying about anything in particular. Planning is good and planning can be necessary — otherwise, nothing would ever get done. So, ‘living in the now’ does not mean that you do not have health insurance or a retirement plan or that you eat only Cheetos (but honestly, this life is up to you — so you can do whatever you want). Living in the now means that you are not overthinking worst-case scenarios and keeping yourself in a state of anxiety and stress about things that have not yet happened. It is that state of anxiety and stress that will, unfortunately, attract more things that match that distressed state of being into your life experience.
I consider myself somebody who probably waffles between the life of Penny the Worrier and Penny the Present — there are many times when I am very present, and I can identify those moments because I feel creative and inspired and things just feel like they are ‘clicking’ into place. If I’m not present — then I’m ‘in my head’ and worried and fearful, and I will often attempt to create from that place — which means that I’m not being as effective, and usually the results are expectedly unimpressive. The more and more that I allow myself to enjoy sitting in my non-thinking state of being, the more effective I am… the more happy I am… the more joyous I am. If I am worried about my future and all of the horrible things that could happen to me — I am not happy. In fact, I am downright miserable… and that isn’t a great way to live, and in fact, very ironically, it doesn’t pave the way for a good future. It is only through living in a place where we are deeply in touch with the present moment that we lay the paving stones for a future that matches that feeling and sense of peace that we feel in our hearts.
Friends, as always, thank you so much for being here and for being a part of my Kula Diaries community! It means so much to have your support and kindness, and I look forward to sharing with all of you every single week.
If you are new to the idea of being present or living in the ‘now’ — I’d recommend reading Eckhart Tolle’s life-changing book, The Power of Now… and also downloading the Insight Timer app on your phone to get started with a daily meditation practice. I cannot begin to express in words how life changing it is to move from a place of over-thinking to a place of awareness and peace. It is a true gift that I wish for each and every being on this planet.
I hope that you all have a beautiful week — I’m wishing you all so much love, joy and peace!
Hmm are those mushrooms on your pizza?? :)
Also this voiceover was totally worth it, just for the imitation of Penny’s dad interrogating her!
Absolutely wonderful! You put it so clearly and distinctly, so easy to understand and follow. I would so like to discuss the path in the now, and your “benevolent blob of jello” (?!🤣) that leads and guides, and I will as soon as I have time. Thank you for such a great article and beautiful pictures of the cats!