AMA with AMA: Answering YOUR questions!
A permission slip... anonymous comments... and the white whale.
Dear Kula Diaries friends,
I hope that all of you are having a really beautiful week so far!
This is my first AMA (ask me anything) in July… and it comes with a very special announcement: I am giving myself a permission slip to take a break from writing two posts per week. I am the hardest working person that I know — and I am infamous for encouraging other people to prioritize their own personal lives…. and terrible at prioritizing my own. As I move into the summer months — which means time for hiking and motorcycle riding — I’ve realistically reflected on my work schedule and I’ve decided to give myself a break from writing the weekly AMA columns every single Wednesday.
I’ve never really shared this before — but I spend A LOT of time writing The Kula Diaries (in case you couldn’t tell - ha!). I do this because I love it… and I love YOU. But, because I’m simultaneously in the midst of running a growing business, a lot of the time that I spend writing gets pushed to my weekend — which means that I have very little (if any) time to do things that are not Kula related. I love my business dearly, but I love it so much that I know how important it is for me to approach it with a rested and refreshed mind and heart. As I’ve reflected on the plans that I have for this summer, it does not feel right to ignore my own personal time. I have given myself a permission slip to ENJOY my summer and ENJOY my personal time with my husband on our weekends together. Now — don’t worry, I’m still going to be writing my AMAs … just not every single week. They will still appear every single month — but I’m releasing myself from the self-imposed obligation of publishing them every single week on the same day. And who knows… maybe I’ll be inspired to something fun and new? I guess we’ll just see what happens.
How does this feel? Well, invigorating and fun … but also a tinge of fear of ‘letting something go’ — and yet I KNOW that beautiful things always arise when you make the space for them to bloom.
So, over the next couple of months — have no fear, I will still be writing every week — but I look forward to doing so in a way that also supports my personal life and desire to have space away from Kula. I also encourage you to do the same in your life — is there anything that you can adjust about your current situation that might provide an opening for something more beautiful to grow? Is there any space that you can allow to exist in order to re-invigorate new ideas and creativity?
In the interest of all of us… I’ve taken the liberty of preparing a permission slip that you can use, if you need it:
Ok… time for some fun and random updates…
First off… the CAT situation on my front porch: There has been a lot of activity on the porch over the last few weeks. Most notably… Fox (the orange cat) arrived with a friend a few days ago. This was a totally unexpected twist in the story, and it complicates things a bit. We had considered trapping Fox to get him/her spayed or neutered, but now we are a little bit concerned that Fox could possibly be a parent of some growing kittens. We’ve named Fox’s friend, ‘Penny’ — and while Penny hasn’t been a regular visitor to the house so far, she definitely caused quite a surprise for us!
Secondly, we saw Jasper and pMidnight the opossum eating on the porch at the same time! I had heard that cats and opossums were very tolerant of each other, but I had never seen it — until now! It was so cool to watch the video after the fact and to see that they were relatively comfortable in each other’s presence.
Jasper and Fox had a stand off as well on one occasion — Jasper stood on the steps of our porch, while Fox gave him the hairy eye ball. Ultimately, Fox chased Jasper away.
And finally, we saw a video of Jasper going into the trap (which is currently not activated). We are trying to get Jasper comfortable with the idea of the trap before we attempt to actually trap him — and we have also realized that Jasper might not be quite ready for such a big change — so, we are doing this at a slow pace, and that’s just fine. I’m sure that when/if Jasper is ready, we will know.
In other news: I’m teaching a backpacking class for the Sno Isle library system on July 10th! It’s a completely free virtual class, and it is open to everybody! If you are interested in going backpacking… but not sure how to begin… my goal for this class will be to give you a primer on how to get started.
Finally, The Musical Mountaineers (me and Rose) received a very exciting phone call last week from Anthony Spain, conductor and artistic director of the NW Symphony Orchestra. Anthony called us to invite us to perform again at Benaroya Hall in Seattle, Washington for another benefit concert for the Washington Trails Association! During our conversation, Anthony asked us about how we felt about the experience this past April performing at the Crescendo Concert — and, honestly, it was emotional to talk about how special the experience really was. The audience at the concert was joyful and the combination of music and nature was really special and unique. I am so excited for the opportunity to get to perform on stage at Benaroya Hall again — and I hope that some of you will be able to be there for the event. I know that this is a very advanced notice announcement… but the concert will be April 25th of 2025 — I CANNOT WAIT! Tickets will be going on sale in February of next year.
I think that’s it for my weekly updates… I’m sure there are more, but sometimes it feels like my life goes in a million different directions, and I can’t keep it all straight. Some days I feel like I’m hanging on for dear life — and other times, I feel like I’m dragging my feet through the mud. Some days I feel like I want to quit everything and run away… other days, I feel profoundly grateful for everything. There are a lot of days when I cry … and a lot of days when I feel indescribably happy. Life is this weird experience of so many things — and we’re all out here on the edge… just trying our best to muddle our way through it.
Sometimes, I look around, and I wonder what the heck I’m doing — and why I’m doing it. Sometimes a lot of things in this world seem made up to me, and I wonder why I’m participating in anything at all. Other times, I lay down on the ground and look up at the sky, and I just know and trust that if I focus on what really matters… that things will work out. There are also days where I feel like nothing is working out.
So, wherever you are right now — it’s probably right. You’re doing great. We all are. We came onto this planet with no instruction manual on how to do anything at all, and we’re figuring it out and trying our best. There is a constant love and peace that ties everything together — and that’s what I’m trying to focus on. I can always come back to my breathing. I can always come back to right now — a place where everything is OK.
Enough philosophy from me… let’s answer some questions!
Dear AMA,
I just realized that with an anonymous submission portal, you run the risk of receiving impolite or off-topic messages. Has this been the case?
When I opened ‘The Kula Diaries Vault’ over a year ago, I was very curious to see what types of comments, questions or suggestions I might receive. For the record, there are currently 357 individual submissions in the Kula Diaries Vault — more than I have been able to answer here in The Kula Diaries. Each week, I scroll through the spreadsheet of submissions and I see what intuitively ‘stands out’ to me — this is usually based on an instantaneous feeling that I get when I read or see the question or comment. Then, I cut and paste those comments or questions into a draft post for The Kula Diaries… and I let it marinate a little bit. Sometimes I will visit the draft post and begin to answer a question, and other times, I will decide that a certain question doesn’t feel quite right — so I’ll delete it.
I am very happy to report that I’ve received absolutely nothing that has even remotely bordered on impolite… and, considering that it is a completely open forum, there isn’t anything that I’d consider completely off topic… because, in all fairness, I did ask folks to Ask me Anything.
Over the past year, I’ve received the following:
specific questions about using a Kula Cloth
specific questions about being an entrepreneur
funny stories about using the Kula Cloth
heartfelt messages
business pitches
genuine kindness and compliments
personal anecdotes about how my writing and stories have helped somebody
recipe suggestions
dance playlist suggestions
story prompts
random questions that don’t fall into any category that I can classify
updates on situations that I’ve provided advice about
and probably a lot more that I’m missing in this very abbreviated list…
Having an anonymous comments box means that, essentially, anybody could go into the comment box and write anything they want — and, unless somebody provides their e-mail address, I have absolutely no idea who is writing the messages. But, what I’ve learned from the Kula Community is this: people are, overwhelmingly, good. People have said nothing but nice things and have also asked nothing but interesting and insightful questions — and it’s a delight for me to open up the comment box each time I venture into that Google form! I never know what to expect, and it feels like a gift to peek inside. My only wish is that I had more time to answer every single question… slowly but surely, I am picking away at them.
Is it ‘risky’ to have an anonymous comment forum where anybody can submit anything, at any time? Maybe — but I tend to wear rose-colored glasses, and, in general, I trust people to be respectful and responsible. That being said — after nearly 15 years in law enforcement where I was subjected to being called some of the worst names imaginable… a random, inappropriate comment in a pee cloth Google form would probably amuse me. To be honest, I really look forward to seeing what people write to me — and I think that the anonymous format encourages folks to ask questions or write comments that they might not otherwise share. I don’t have time to answer all the questions that currently exist in the AMA vault — so, if I received something that was horribly inappropriate, I’d probably just ignore it and move on. Ultimately, those comments have a lot more to say about the person who is asking them — and, to be honest, they probably already know the answer to their question.
I wasn’t kidding about the biscuit question…. (note, we called this interview ‘The Crooked Blind’ for obvious reasons. Sadly, the blind was not intentional — our cats had destroyed it - ha! This was filmed circa 2017, prior to leaving my job and also prior to Kula.
The subject of anonymous questions does, however, remind me about one story from my mom that has always amused me. My mom grew up in Florida, and due to their school’s proximity to the Kennedy Space Center, her class had the opportunity to be visited by an astronaut. Prior to the astronaut’s arrival, all of the kids were required to write down an anonymous question on a piece of paper and put it into a box so that the astronaut could answer all of their questions about being in space. My mom tells the story about this astronaut pulling questions out of the box… and then suddenly looking confused as he stared down at the piece of paper in his hand and, then, very seriously reading the question out loud: “Do you like beef stew?”. According to my mom, the astronaut did indeed like beef stew.
For the record, I’m not much of a stew person.
I want to thank ALL of you for taking the time out of your day to submit and ask questions — I love reading your messages, and I love answering the questions! If you’d like to submit something anonymously to The Kula Diaries vault, you can do that here… and if you want a response, make sure to include your e-mail address!
Dear AMA,
Can you please explain this cartoon? I feel like it’s about Moby Dick but I might be missing something?
Ha! This cartoon made me laugh! First off — my dad always sends me Moby Dick comics, and it’s unbelievably shocking to notice how many times that Moby Dick appears in contemporary cartoons. I only wish that Herman Melville, who died believing that he was a complete failure, could see the impact that his work left on the world!
The humor in this cartoon comes from a combination and juxtaposition of a modern day ‘feud’ and, perhaps, one of the most famous ‘feuds’ of all time. This cartoon is referencing a song by musicians Lorde and Charli XCX. Charli had released a song called Girl, So confusing … and, instantly, there was gossip that the song was about Lorde. Then, in an act of solidarity, Lorde and Charli released a remix of Girl, So Confusing together…. entitled, The Girl, So Confusing Version with Lorde. Some of the lyrics in that song are:
“Well, honestly, I was speechless / When I woke up to your voice note / You told me how you’d been feeling / Let’s work it out on the remix”
As some of you may or may not know, Captain Ahab and Moby Dick also had a… errr… strained relationship. Captain Ahab had one singular focus in life — revenge on the white whale that bit off his leg. The entire book centers around this man’s maniacal obsession with The White Whale — which is, arguably, a metaphor for finding meaning and purpose in life. Now, I don’t want to ruin the story for anybody who hasn’t read it yet — but this cartoon is basically taking the Lorde x Charli song and applying it to the feud between Captain Ahab x Moby Dick. However, I’m pretty much willing to bet that Moby Dick isn’t going to be quite as likely to display an amicable attitude towards Ahab with a harpoon.
If you’ve never read Moby Dick — do yourself a favor and listen to the audiobook (specifically the one narrated by Frank Muller). To this day, the last few paragraphs of the entire book (in the Epilogue) still take my breath away… as do a few other passages within the book. I’ll share one of my favorites with all of you now — this is a passage describing a moment when Ishmael and Queequeg, the Harpooneer are lying in bed together in their shared room at the inn:
Yes, we became very wakeful; so much so that our recumbent position began to grow wearisome, and by little and little we found ourselves sitting up; the clothes well tucked around us, leaning against the head-board with our four knees drawn up close together, and our two noses bending over them, as if our kneepans were warming-pans. We felt very nice and snug, the more so since it was so chilly out of doors; indeed out of bed-clothes too, seeing that there was no fire in the room. The more so, I say, because truly to enjoy bodily warmth, some small part of you must be cold, for there is no quality in this world that is not what it is merely by contrast. Nothing exists in itself. If you flatter yourself that you are all over comfortable, and have been so a long time, then you cannot be said to be comfortable any more. But if, like Queequeg and me in the bed, the tip of your nose or the crown of your head be slightly chilled, why then, indeed, in the general consciousness you feel most delightfully and unmistakably warm. For this reason a sleeping apartment should never be furnished with a fire, which is one of the luxurious discomforts of the rich. For the height of this sort of deliciousness is to have nothing but the blanket between you and your snugness and the cold of the outer air. Then there you lie like the one warm spark in the heart of an arctic crystal.
I mean… c’mon. Isn’t that stunning? Or this passage, which describes the elusive White Whale…
"..., the appalling beauty of the vast milky mass, that lit up by a horizontal spangling sun, shifted and glistened like a living opal in the blue morning sea."
When I first read that line — and saw the whale described as a ‘living opal’ — I think I gasped out loud. The visual imagery is so stunning that it is shocking to the soul (in a good way).
All of this to say: I don’t think that Ahab and Moby Dick are going to work it out on the remix… so, I think the cartoon is poking fun at celebrity ‘make ups’ and the idea that folks will publicly admit to working something out and/or have a large show of amends. Is it just a publicity ploy? Will the dispute or the obsession ever be resolved? Will Ahab ever stop chasing the whale? Will Moby Dick ever be caught? I would feel pretty comfortable in saying that Moby Dick, at least for one example, is a story that is going to end the same way, no matter how many times you try to remix it.
Thank you all so much for being here — I appreciate your support beyond any words that I could ever write. Thank you for your enthusiasm, kindness and love. I am sending you all a genuine wish for a week filled with peace, connection and joy.
Once upon a time, I was in grade 7. We had a nurse come into our classroom for Sex Education. She very seriously put a box up at the front and said that it was an anonymous question box and, she would answer whatever questions we had about sex, puberty etc.
She pointed out after our second class that no one had yet put any questions in the box, and that it was anonymous, so no one would ever know who asked, and that we didn't need to be embarrassed about being curious about sex or our bodies.
After the third class, she was visibly disappointed, or maybe confused, still not one question was in the box! The box was sacrosanct, she would answer any question that we put in the box! She was very insistent, and made sure after every section she taught that day to mention that if we wanted to know more about pregnancy, or fallopian tubes, we should put it in the box.
My friends from class and I were talking about it after school. We were so completely blasé about the whole thing, so disinterested and bored in the class we just didn't care to question anything about sex or reproduction. We did feel bad about the nurse, who was so concerned about her question box. My friend Beth's mother overheard us.
"Well, maybe you three should write questions. It might make her feel better. It's probably hard to come into a school in the middle of the year and teach children if you aren't trained as a teacher."
We considered this. We were completely apathetic about reproduction and sexual health. We just wanted to be left alone. We wanted this to be over.
We consulted some Judy Bloom books, Sassy and Seventeen magazine and composed three questions, that according to our sources, teens were expected to have about Sex Education.
1. Will my breasts grow bigger?
2. What is cum?
3. Why haven't I gotten my period yet?
"That's great girls! Maybe seeing you put questions in the box will encourage other students to put in their own questions." Beth's mom liked it when we participated.
We considered this. Maybe the others are curious about things, or don't understand things and just don't want to be the only one who has questions. Impossible. How could anyone care about anything in school? It was such a torturous waste of time.
We decided to be the first people back in class after recess the next day, knowing that the nurse arrived to our room while we were out in the yard, and we would wait until everyone else had come in before boldly and openly walking up to the front and putting our slips of paper in the box.
Our plan worked, and the nurse nearly broke into applause at the sight of us putting questions into the still empty box. We felt like we had done a good deed.
She answered the questions, pointed out with vigorous relish that "cum" was a slang term and they are often very confusing and that's why we should always use the proper science words like "semen" or "ejaculate"
The next class was uneventful, we were pleased that she seemed satisfied and that she had stopped harping on everyone to put in questions.
On Friday, to our complete surprise, the box had SEVERAL questions in it! We hadn't seen anyone put them in, and we wondered if our classmates ACTUALLY CARED about this?
The question and response that I remember clearly was:
How long does it take to have sex?
The nurse read it out, and then said, succintly and confidently,
"It depends on a few factors, but on average, about seven minutes."
She then moved on to the next question.
WHAT??? We were flabbergasted, and shocked, and felt a deep pity for this poor woman who only got to have seven minutes of sex, and that she thought that was fine and reasonable. Who hired this woman, who clearly HAD NO IDEA HOW TO EVEN HAVE SEX teach the sex education classes?
We told Beth's mom. Who insisted we must have misheard her. Or misunderstood her. Or, Maybe that was just the literal act of penetration? Did she mean the minimum amount of time it could possibly take to copulate? Like, if you were already undressed and in bed with your partner, and already feeling frisky?
We could not figure it out. It made no sense. It still boggles my mind. She said "On Average" so, you might have sex for less than 7 minutes? What would that even entail?
This became a running gag among our classmates, If the Teacher tried to hurry us and threatened that "You only have FIFTEEN minutes left to complete the math assignment!"
One of us would quip, "15? that's so much time. I could have sex TWICE and use the remaining minute to throw the math books out the window."
To this day, I pray for that nurse, and I hope that at least once she made passionate love with someone for a very long, long, time. Twenty minutes, minimum.
The passage you shared about Ishmael and Queequeg is so, so great! I’ll be rereading that to my family on our upcoming backpacking trip 👏🏻 Thank you for this wonderful post and enjoy your summer of adventure!