Pssst. As always - my posts are far too long for e-mail format, so click ‘read more’ at the bottom to see the whole thing… I’ve included some fun violin videos, and I hope you enjoy them!
Dear Kula Diaries,
For this week’s AMA… I decided to turn it into a little round up from the Kula Diaries Google Form. BTW - I have a lot of ‘pending questions’ on the AMA form and I promise that I’m doing my best to get to all of them without simultaneously bombarding folks with 12 AMAs per week… so if your question hasn’t been answered yet… stay tuned! So, without further adieu… let’s dive into the questions for this week!
Dear AMA,
How do YOU braid your hair?
I really felt like this was a question that needed to be answered in video format. I have never (in my life) filmed a hair or skin tutorial of any kind. A tutorial on how to poop in the backcountry? Yep. Done that. A video about how to use a menstrual cup? Obviously. But a braid tutorial? Nope… never. So, here it is. My first braid tutorial. I hope I nailed it.
After filming this braid tutorial, I started thinking about the various hairstyles that I’ve had throughout my life, and how each one of them was very representative of a very different phase. I went back through the archives of my ancient collection of photographs, and decided to share a few of them.
When I moved to PA as a 10 year old, I told my mom that I wanted to get my hair cut short. “Like a bob haircut?”… “No, like really, really short.” A BOB was not what I wanted… instead, I wanted a BOWL. This meant that my barber was required to use the hair clippers to shave the back of my head. While I was never cool enough to have ‘steps’ shaved into the back of my head, I did insist on using a #1 guard on the electric hair trimmer.
I still remember sitting down in my seat on the first day of 5th grade at Sacred Heart School in Royersford, PA. I was 10 years old, had a southern accent and really short hair. Needless to say, I was very unlike the other girls in my class who had poofy bangs and had hemmed their uniform skirts to a risqué knee length (instead of mine, which was calf length). One of the boys in my class, sitting behind me, whispered to another classmate, “Her hair is so… SHORT.” Apparently, this was before having short hair was an acceptable practice, and I spent the next few years as the subject of intense bullying, before my parents ultimately removed me from school to homeschool me.
The next few decades of my life can only be described as … awkward. Most people go through one awkward phase. Well, I think that I’ve managed to spend 99% of my life in an elongated awkward phase. Of course, I only realize that I was in an awkward phase when I look back on those moments in life in retrospect. In fact, I’m probably in one right now — I mean, I do wear patchwork sweatpants and a creepy victorian cat costume.
My current hairstyle — which is mostly a single side braid or pigtails — arrived out of necessity when I started hiking and climbing. While I had shorter hair for a lot of my life, when I moved to WA, I started growing it longer… and longer… and longer. My hair is now bordering on ‘creepily long’, but I really love it and I’m very blessed to have a massive ‘mane’ of hair. I can no longer wear pony tails (too heavy) or buns (also too heavy), and while I do straighten it occasionally, that takes a significant amount of time. I’m a pretty low maintenance person, so on most days… it’s a messy braid, or wavy hair that has dried naturally.
Most recently, my long-hair inspired me to create my first patent-pending product… a neck gaiter designed for people with long hair! While riding my motorcycle, I realized that most neck gaiters don’t accommodate long hair properly… so I worked with a pattern designer to create The Rapunzel Gaiter… the first neck gaiter for people with long hair. I am really excited about this product — I’ve been testing it for almost a year now, and it is a total game changer for long haired folks.
I hope that my braid tutorial provided a bit of humor… a bit of insight… and maybe some braid-spiration for the other long-haired Kula Diaries folks out there. Let your locks down… braid them… double braid them… whatever feels good to you… and know that there are other people out there who know the pain of going through 2 bottles of conditioner per month. Ha!
Dear AMA,
What is the comfiest item of clothing you own?
A second, very similar question was also posed… so I’m going to include that one here as well:
What is the most comforting item you own?
Much to my husband’s chagrin, I am going to have to admit that my patchwork Champion Sweatpants are, without a doubt, the comfiest item of clothing that I own. During the early days of The Dance Experiment, I decided that wearing ridiculously obnoxious pants would make dancing more fun. Believe it or not, it does. I have an embarrassing number of ridiculous pants that probably did not fare too well in the normal retail market… because most people probably wouldn’t wear these articles of clothing in public on a regular basis (if they’d even wear them at all). When I saw these patchwork sweatpants online… I knew that they were meant for me.
They are pretty ridiculous looking, but I love them. They are fun to dance in… they are fun to wear… and I feel instantly cozy when I put them on.
These pants now have a growing hole on the inside of the left ankle that I stitch relentlessly in an effort to prolong the life of these pants. They must be saved… at all costs. I recently went on a trip to South Dakota to go fishing and hiking for a week. Somehow, in the midst of running a company and trying to pack for a week-long trip, I thought that I had packed some casual clothes and hiking clothes. Well, when I got to South Dakota, I realized that the only pants I had packed were a pair of carpenter-style jeans and my patchwork sweatpants. This means that I attended not one… but multiple dinners wearing these sweatpants. And, I have to say, that not one person appeared offended by their existence. In fact, I am *nearly* positive that I only detected deep admiration from those lucky souls who had the opportunity to be in their cozy presence. Ha!
In an effort to share the cozy-vibes, I looked online and I was unable to find these pants anywhere. I think they stopped making them, and I simply cannot imagine why. There is a company called the Frankie Collective that makes up-cycled sweatpants - those are the closest I’ve been able to find to my original pair. I recently purchased a new pair of Nike Sweatpants, and they are equally ridiculous looking and I can’t wait to wear them to my next formal event.
Here’s another note about clothing and apparel: I wore a uniform for most of my life. When I was a kid, I wore a Catholic School Uniform. As a Park Ranger, I wore a Park Ranger Uniform. When I was a Railroad Police officer, I wore a Police Uniform. I have been told what to wear for most of my life… and, quite honestly, I loved it. I never had to think about trying to put together an ‘outfit’ — which was something that always felt really challenging for me. As a kid, even before I had a career, everybody joked that I wore a ‘uniform’ everyday — because I would always wear the same thing… corduroy pants and a howling wolf sweatshirt.
I’ve gone through various ‘phases’ of fashion in my life… and I’m currently entering the Carpenter Pant + Self-Designed T-shirt phase. I’m having a lot of fun designing shirts… and I am semi-obsessed with any pair of pants that resembles a pair of Carpenter Pants. I don’t know why. What I do know is that I was wearing overalls long before they were cool… and then just a year later, they were all the rage. So, if my prediction is correct — Carpenter Pants are going to be much more in vogue very soon, which means that I’ll likely be stepping out of that phase just before it takes off. Always a few steps ahead of the curve… never quite with it. And I think I’ll keep it that way.
Second part of the question… what is my most comforting item?
My most comforting item is, without a doubt, my violin. In fact, I own two violins, and both of them are comforting for different reasons. So, I’ll introduce you to both of them:
This is the first full size violin that I got when I was 15 years old. My parents bought it for me from a violin maker in Pennsylvania named James E. Fegley. I still remember playing it for the very first time. Mr. Fegley brought out a selection of violins in our price range and laid them gently on a velvet, cushioned table. One by one, I picked up each violin and took turns trying them out. One of the violins had elaborate decorations all over the back of it, and I wanted to love it, because I thought that the etching on the back was beautiful… but the sound didn’t speak to me. When I picked up my violin, I knew it almost instantly. I pulled the bow across the strings and played the first few notes of Ashokan Farewell and it sounded like it was singing to me. Somehow, this violin knew how to sing what I wanted to say.
We brought it home that day, and I’ve now had it for over 25 years. It is an old friend that I can come back to over and over again. It has been with me through very good times and through very bad times. I have played it at funerals and weddings. I have played it when I was sad and played it when I was happy. The violin, I believe, holds a piece of me within it.
Since I have two violins, I thought it would be fun for all of you to hear and compare both of them. They are both very different — and each violin has its own personality and voice. Also, playing two different violins can be tricky… because the finger placement on each violin is just slightly different… which means that I need to listen and adjust where I place my hands, depending on which violin I’m using.
Here is the video featuring the violin that I got when I was 15 years old:
My ‘other’ violin was my Grandmother’s violin. My Grandmother, or ‘Grammy’ (as I called her), was an eccentric Italian woman with a penchant for art and music. She drove a stick shift Honda CRX until she was in her mid 80s and she intentionally put a ‘FOR SALE’ sign on it… not because she wanted to sell the car… but, rather, because she wanted people to wait by her car so that they could be surprised when they saw that an 80 year old woman was the driver of such a cute, sporty vehicle. Grammy was the person who introduced me to music when I was 2 years old. She introduced me to the opera, and she bought me one of my first violins when I was 4. She was a huge part of my life and a huge inspiration for me musically.
My grandmother suffered from numerous mini strokes in the years leading up to her death, which caused her to experience memory loss and dementia. In the midst of her decline, her violin teacher at the time took her violin and bow away from her to get appraised and had apparently offered her $250 for the pair of them. For the record, they are both worth far more than $250. My family and I lived hours away from Grammy, and we had no idea that this shady character was trying to take advantage of my Grandmother’s condition. Somehow, amidst the process of completely losing her sense of self-awareness… and even losing the memories of familiar faces like her sons and grandchildren … she somehow maintained enough awareness, against all odds, to hold onto her violin and bow.
When she passed away in 2012, her violin travelled to be with me… where it remains to this day. In my darkest moments, I have pulled this violin out of its case and felt the comforting presence of my grandmother with each note. It has caught my tears… seen sunsets… and been a friend to me on days when I did not feel that I deserved one. It has the ability to say things that I cannot possibly express in words. Without a doubt, my grandmother’s violin is probably the most special thing that I own.
I read a piece a few years ago about releasing attachment from ‘things’ — and I do understand that. I understand that things are just things… except that the idea doesn’t really honor the entire experience of life, which is not about things… but about the love that can nestle its way into the nooks and crannies of the things that we love very much. Sometimes things aren’t just things. Sometimes things are the holders of memories and they are a connection to people we care about. This violin is comforting and special to me not because of what it is… but because of the love it has brought into my life.
If you’d love to listen to an absolutely fantastic podcast about a violin that has a wild, unpredictable and incredible history full of crime, chaos and mystery, I highly recommend this episode of The Moth podcast entitled, ‘A Violin’s Life’. I promise you, it is worth listening to.
I’m going to end our AMA today with a poem that I wrote a few years ago about finding and recognizing comfort within ourselves. This week, and all weeks, I wish for all of you to find peace… ease… comfort and love within your heart. Thank you so much for being here and thank you for being exactly who you are. You are loved, friends.
Love,
Anastasia
P.S. If you’d like to submit a question for a future AMA… or if you just want to make a comment or tell me something… you can submit it anonymously using the Kula Diaries Google form. If you’d like a response, please make sure to include your name and e-mail address!
Just a human No right or wrong But I never felt Like I belonged Alone one day saying Love me please I whispered to The sky and trees My heart, a desert Dry and bare I did not know The love was there Maybe if I do this thing Or maybe if I jump this hurdle I will find a place out there Where the love is fertile But just as my fingers were reaching out That love it slipped away Without a sound it vanished I’d find it another day Empty hands A heart locked shut Something’s wrong with me I know it must Be that, because I don’t know how to feel The difference between What’s false or real We love you, said the trees and peaks We love you said the sky I love you said a tiny bird As it flew so high The sun, it warmed my skin with beams The rain, it washed my tears The earth, it held me in its arms And rocked away my fears A voice I barely recognized Said, you are good and loved I searched all over for the voice Looked under, behind and above It seemed it was familiar It had the comfort of a home It wasn’t until I listened close I knew it was my own
Your substack has brought me to tears today. Unsure if it's just because it's an emotional day (it is), but your story about your grandma and your beautiful violin playing has definitely opened the floodgates. It is so special that you have and play your grandmother's violin. What a lovely way to keep that connection. On a lighter note, I'm picturing you violin shopping sometime in the future and explaining that you need your violin to be durable and weather-resistant and I'm also imagining a look of horror on the seller's face as you talk about frost, rain, and hot days in a backpack. :)
P.S. My two absolute favorite instruments to listen to are the violin and piano and it is just the best coincidence that you and Rose play those together!