A life-changing recipe

It's not what you think

Dear Kula Diaries,

Today, I felt inspired to write down a recipe for something that is decidedly not a chocolate chip cookie. Instead, this is a recipe for something much more important: an open heart.

Our mind often gets in the way of our heart, and it becomes the very fearful lens through which we look at the world — clouded by a lifetime of carefully assembled pieces that make each of us, ‘who we are’. Unfortunately, it is in this very place of ‘who-we-are-ness’, that we lose our sense of connection with the other beings on this planet. We feel like we are floating alone in the precariousness of space — completely lost to the goodness that continually connects all of us.

Many years ago, I was a complainer. Most people don’t believe that when I tell them — but, it’s true. If there was something to complain about at my job… or in the world… or in the checkout line at the store… or about the customer service person on the phone… you would have found me in the center of all of it. ‘How could they do that to me?’ was my personal motto — my world felt small and frustrating as I attempted to unsuccessfully control the external pieces that needed to be a certain way in order for me to feel ‘happy’. It was a hamster wheel of exhaustion and disappointment.

After my near death experience, something changed fundamentally within my heart — and I can’t explain it, other than to say this: it was cracked open. Not literally (luckily), but it felt different. I looked around at the world and instead of feeling frustration and anger… I felt a deep sense of profound gratitude for everything — in particular, my beating heart and breathing lungs. When you have felt those things slip away, and then they are gifted back to you in a miracle that you can’t explain — you begin to trust the knowing that you were meant to bring something good into the world.

Me and my mom snowshoeing — just a few hours before everything in my life was flipped upside down.

During the first few weeks after my near death experience, I spent most of my time crying. I couldn’t stop sobbing. I’d try to write about the experience, and I’d sob uncontrollably. I’d try to talk about it — and I could barely make it through a few sentences before I’d dissolve in a heap. I didn’t know how to explain it to anybody, and since I was physically fine, there were even people who criticized my reaction and told me that I hadn’t actually had the experience that I was describing. Apparently, according to the ‘near death experience police’, your body needs to be brutally ‘mangled’ in order for the trauma to ‘count’ (absolutely false and not true by the way).

I had been introduced to meditation as a child… had tried it again in college… and had been experimenting with it as a railroad police officer due to the PTSD that was disturbing my sleep. For some reason, in the aftermath of my brush with mortality, I decided: I need to start meditating. Right now. I opened YouTube and I typed in the words ‘gratitude meditation’, and this is the one that popped up:

A few days ago, I listened to a fascinating podcast on RadioLab called The Ecstasy of an Open Mind — it’s a fascinating episode about ‘critical periods’ in the development of a human being. According to neuroscientists, we have certain ‘critical periods’ during our growth where we are able to absorb information like a sponge. Traditionally, it was believed that these critical periods could not be reopened once they’ve closed — but new research has shown that the periods can actually be re-opened. In this research, they are using a combination of psychedelic drugs and therapy in order to re-open the critical periods…but the podcast made me wonder… had something similar happened to me… only without the drugs?

Now, I don’t have any scientific proof of this at all in my particular case — except that I know for the few weeks after my incident… things were different…. and then my entire life changed. It started with the gratitude meditation, which was the first time I had ever even truly comprehended the fact that I was alive and that my heart was beating and that my lungs were breathing. It felt like I was in the midst of an epiphany. I watched other people moving through their own lives and I wanted to ask, “CAN YOU FEEL THIS TOO?!? CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ARE ALIVE?!” I had a few meditations where I experienced life-altering visions and insight about the connectedness of all thing, and none of it was fueled by anything other than a deep desire to go beyond the lens that I had been peering through. It made me laugh out loud when somebody told me, “Anastasia, people do a lot of drugs to have the types of experiences you are describing.”

In the first few weeks after my incident, the trajectory of my life did an about-face. I started implementing tiny habits every single day, and focusing entirely on my inner landscape, rather than trying to ‘fix’ my outer landscape. It was from that place that The Musical Mountaineers and Kula Cloth would eventually bloom.

When I started The Kula Diaries last year, I shared a version of this story, and talked about my habits — but I’ve changed them a bit over time… which is what inspired this ‘recipe’ of sorts. You don’t need to experience a close call in order to open your heart. You don’t need to have a certain level of trauma. All you need to do is have a sense of curiosity about what it might be like. The love is already there… you are just inviting it in.

This ‘recipe’ is just a small framework — a place to start. It’s easy to do, but it’s also easy not to do it. I’m guilty of ‘skipping’ it, because I think that I don’t have enough time. I always feel a difference if I don’t take the time to open my heart… just a tiny bit… each day.

I once read a book about a ‘million dollar morning routine’ — and the morning routine was about 15 different steps long. In the very beginning of starting something new, doing 15 steps might work for the first few days… but it will very quickly fall by the wayside. This new and improved ‘recipe’ that I’ve written is simple… and it won’t take more than a few minutes… in fact, you don’t even have to do it all at once. Just imagine that you are ‘sprinkling’ this recipe in throughout your day.

Here it is:

That’s it. It’s so unbelievably simple to do this every single day. In fact, it’s so easy, that I’ll provide the first ingredient list below. The only thing that you have to do is… well… try it. Try it and see what happens. Try it for a day… and then two days… and then an entire week. You have nothing to lose, and absolutely everything to gain.

I’d recommend getting started with this meditation, which profoundly affected me:

Next, find a way to include gratitude or appreciation (or both!) into your day. There is a very subtle distinction between these two aspects of thankfulness:

Gratitude is a feeling that we can discover within ourselves for where we are right now — it is a general thankfulness for life itself. I often find myself feeling gratitude about my beating heart… my breathing lungs… and the gift of life.

Appreciation is a more specific type of thankfulness, that usually applies to something outside of ourselves. For instance, appreciating somebody who has made an impact in our life… or appreciating a specific thing or experience.

There are interchangeable aspects to gratitude and appreciation, so don’t spend too much time getting hung up on ‘which one’ it is that you are cultivating — it’s more about the feeling that you are creating within yourself and extending out into the universe… rather than worrying about correctly ‘naming’ it.

In my daily practice, gratitude usually comes in the form of handwritten notes — sometimes these are to customers… friends… family members… or anybody else who has made a difference in my life. It is easy to think that you do not have time to appreciate somebody else today, but it is shocking how different you will feel when you start to make this your priority, instead of an afterthought.

I’m not sure how you will cultivate gratitude or appreciation in your daily life, but make a concerted effort to do it every single day.

To get you started, I’ve made an image below with a little poem on it… you can save this to your computer, print it out, and use the empty space to write something important to a person who you have appreciated today. Let go of expectations about this… and just see what happens when you truly go out of your way to appreciate another being on this planet (if you prefer a .pdf format, you can download that right here):

Next — let’s connect with our bodies. For me, this is done through walking and dancing. For you, it might be jumping rope… or trail running… or hiking… or screaming into the void… or hooping… or rollerblading… or anything else that can connect you to your physical body that is living here on this planet. It might even be lying down and sensing the aliveness within us. As we connect with our bodies, we get out of the endless loop in our minds — the loop of obsessive thinking, fake conversations and untrue and/or imaginary narratives. Being present in our bodies and being grounded in gratitude and appreciation is a place where fear, doubt and lack cannot exist.

When I’m needing to connect with myself, there are a few songs that I turn to over and over again… so I compiled them into a playlist here. You can do all of them… or one of them… or choose your own. Nobody has to see you dancing, but see what happens when you let go of the thoughts in your mind and allow yourself to simply be a body dancing on this earth:

And finally, each and every day… I find a small way to give to another person on this planet. This does not have to be something of monetary value, but it can be. Giving is a powerful tool for heart opening, because it keeps you in a place of noticing the infinite abundance that is around you at all times. In a place of fear, lack or doubt, we often close ourselves off to that abundance… and giving has a way of reopening the door. When you give to another person, you energetically say, There is enough for all of us, and I am part of this vast, infinite flow.

Personally, I find a way to surprise customers with unexpected gifts in their orders… or I donate money… or I make something to send to a friend… or I share an unprompted compliment… the ‘what’ of the gift is not as important as the intentionality of the giving. Focus your efforts on the nature of your heart as you participate in the act of giving, without expectations, to another human. If you feel a strong impulse to give something to somebody else — listen to that impulse. You are being placed in situations at all times where you have the ability to ripple your generosity and goodness out into the universe… and when you give a gift to another, you also receive that same gift back within your heart.

If you aren’t sure what to give, I’ll put my note-writing services up for grabs… you can purchase Love & Kind Words on the Kula Cloth website for ZERO DOLLARS. Purchase a note for a friend… and let us know what you want to say… or leave it up to me and my internal poem factory. Good things happen when you give from your heart to the people that you care about.

Here are some love and kind words that you can use to send to anybody at any time!

And that, my dear friends — is the not-so-secret recipe to opening your heart — even just a tiny bit — every single day. Doing these small things doesn’t mean that you’re going to walk around in a state of existential bliss at all times… it doesn’t mean that life won’t be challenging… and it doesn’t mean that things won’t be frustrating. Finding gratitude and appreciation and taking the time to meditate and dance is not an attempt to ignore or suppress difficult emotions. Instead, these are ways that we can co-exist in a place that includes all of the multitudes. It is a way that we can see the consciousness that lives in our body as a blank canvas — which we have the choice to paint, each and every day, with the colors of kindness and love. Some days these colors will be more vivid than others, but on all days, they will matter.

You don’t have to do anything big or drastic — just start small. A short meditation… some gratitude and appreciation… a little bit of giving and some movement. If you aren’t doing these things now… see what happens when you add them into your day, in whatever way works best for you. And if you already have a practice like this — see what happens when you reinvigorate it with some newness. What can you do to change and shift your energy just a tiny bit more? What can you do to make it feel more organic and less like brushing your teeth?

I can’t wait to hear how it goes for you — I promise that this recipe will change your life, and that you will love and be in awe of the world you see through the lens of an open heart.

Sending you all a wish for ease, peace and abundance today and all days.

And… if you haven’t done so already… I’d love to have you stay around… I’m biased, but I think this is a pretty special place…